Peaky Blinders Imagines

Both - John Shelby

"I missed you," John mumbled as he turned over in the bed, pressing his lips against your bare shoulder. The morning light was filtering in under the drapes, creating a soft golden glow around the room. You only sighed in response, turning away from him. You hadn't slept well, the pit in your stomach starting to grow whenever he decided he would stay the night. You knew you had to confess your feelings soon, the red flags were all you'd started to see. "Y/N, what's wrong love?" John whispered quietly, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at you. You swallowed, not daring to meet his eyes as his fingertips softly began to trace up and down your bare arm. "What do you really want, John?" you mumbled under your breath. "Y/N, what are you talking about?" he asked with a chuckle.

You slid out of bed, quickly pulling your favorite silk robe over your naked body as you turned to face him. The smile faded from his face as he sat up to face you. "You're married. You have a wife and children. You've never actually told me how you feel about me. Ever since we met, the only time I ever see you is when you decide you want to stay the night with me, and fuck me. You spill your secrets to me when we talk at night, and you let me see behind your walls you put up for everyone else. But then morning comes, and you disappear again. And the next time I so much as hear from you, you're knocking at my door, asking to stay the night, saying you need me," you gushed, unable to stop the words from pouring out of your mouth.

"I do need you, Y/N," John attempted to reassure you. "No, John, this is what I'm talking about," you groaned in frustration, "Y-you're blurring the lines...you're playing two sides...just make up your mind!" "Make up my mind?" John repeated, running a hand over his face in frustration. "Yes," you mumbled, sure of your decision. "You can tell me to stay, you can push me away, have space or get close, but you can't do both. You can kiss me goodnight, or kiss me goodbye, just love me...or don't. You can't keep doing both," you pleaded with him. Realization hit him then, and he knew then just how much he'd hurt you.

"John, please. I can't do this with you anymore. You can't just come home to me whenever you feel like it, and tell me you need me, just to disappear to your wife and kids. You can't do both. So, I'm asking you now, to make a decision, because this is tearing me apart. Either love me, or don't," you whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. "Oh, Y/N," John whispered, and you gazed down at the floor, knowing he'd choose his wife over you. Your tongue flicked out to wet your lips as you turned from him, crossing the room to the bathroom. You placed your hands on the porcelain sink, gripping the stone until your knuckles turned white, allowing your body to break down into heaving sobs.

What you didn't expect, was to feel gentle hands grasp your upper arms, turning you around and pulling you into a solid chest. "Y/N, I'll always choose you. I love you," John whispered, embracing your shaking form. "Y-you love me?" you repeated in shock, pushing against his chest lightly to look up into his eyes. "Of course I do. All those times I was disappearing...I was taking care of the divorce," he whispered in reply. "John, I love you too," you whispered, reaching up a hand to caress his jaw with your thumb. He chuckled, leaning down and crashing his lips against yours.