Live For | An Opposite Muffin Squad Angst Oneshot

Live For

Okay, hi, it's the author here with a few small notes about this story.
- It's old as fuck, my writing was kinda bad at the time, it still is tbh
- The POV on this is, in my imagination, Sunny, but feel free to view it as whoever you wish
- Uhh, I no longer follow OMS actively, so don't expect more OMS content from me lmao
- Oh yeah, and the AU is by DeltaZC on instagram, their art is amazing, go follow them.

𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝟶𝟹/𝟷𝟼 𝚊𝚝 𝟹:𝟺𝟼 ᴀᴍ

When I was a kid, my mom was what I lived for, and then she was gone. I stood at her funeral alone, my father nowhere in sight.

When I was in grade school, my friends were what I lived for. Bright and smiley kids. Happy faces and good memories all proven to be fake as my friends left me in the blink of an eye. I was nothing to them, just a toy that they loved one day and forgot about the next.

After they left me, I felt as though I didn't have anything to live for, like no one would ever care for me. If I spoke a word wrong glass shattered on the wall and the shouting echoed through the soulless home. The bruises started to build up and my lungs filled with cigarette smoke as I tried to escape from my world. The bathroom floor was stained with red and my wrists were cut to shreds.

When I moved in with Sunny and Edgy, I found something new to live for. They cared for me, even though I was awful. The arguments I had with a Edgy often had me splitting my wrists in the bathroom as I looked back on my harsh words and actions, but I still had something to live for, the cutting wasn't in hopes I'd die anymore.

The fluttering in my chest made me push him away, he had tried to be nice and all I could push myself to do was be rude. I shouted, I screamed, I started pointless arguments to shove him away because the fluttering was wrong. I knew the feeling far too well, and I had to push it away.

And then it happened. My world came crashing down over my head, suffocating me in the darkness of my own mind.
His body lay dead on his bathroom floor, bloodstains on the tiles and half a bottle of Advil spilled on the counter. I was blamed, first by myself, then by everyone else.
I cried all night. I cried for my mistakes. I cried because that feeling was a part of what was keeping me alive, and now it was gone so suddenly. I didn't even know that everyone else would hate me yet, but I felt so broken, like I had nothing to live for yet again.

Then I really didn't. I came downstairs that morning without a hoodie on, forgetting the countless cuts littered upon my wrists, and it didn't go unnoticed.
'Maybe you finally feel how he did.' The words still ring in my head like an awful song on the radio.
I turned my head to see who spoke, and the moment is burnt into the back of my mind, never quite pushed away.
Sunny.
I turned to him and he was glaring at me, tears in the corner of his eye.
'I hope you feel how he did'
I can't remember it word for word, but he told me how much he loved him. He told me how I stole him from this world and how I wished I died instead, and I agreed with him... I still do.

No one would look at me, if I said something they would turn away and pretend they didn't hear, carrying on their conversations slightly louder.
No one noticed the cuts ever increasing on my wrists.
No one noticed the bloodstained razorblades in the garbage.
No one noticed the letters slipped under their doors, still no one does...
If they did, they didn't read them.
...
Right?

I have nothing to live for, so I'm done. I won't live anymore, I've already ruined enough lives.
I'm sorry if anyone did care, but I would've done this even if you had shown it. I tore my own life apart, I tore my world apart, I ruined my last thing to live for.
I wonder how he felt... worthless? Empty? Hopeless? I feel those things right now, but I bet he also felt angry, angry at me for ruining his perfect life. I feel angry at myself too.

I'm sorry to anyone who did care.
I'm sorry to Sunny, for stealing your future boyfriend from you, I know he would've loved you back, you were probably what he lived for.
I'm sorry to Meg and Zalk, for taking away a new friend.
I'm sorry to Techy, for hurting your best friend and taking away someone you were just growing to trust.
And I'm sorry to all of you, for tearing our lives apart being being so hideously broken.
I wish I could've helped it.
I wish I hadn't tried to push away the fluttering so much.
I hope you all can piece your life back together once I'm gone.
You guys were such a good family, I'm sorry I never showed it. I'm sorry for being so awful to you.
I love you all, more than you'll ever know.
*A bottle of pills rattles close to the recorder*
*Something plastic audibly drops to the floor*
Hey, leave Edgy some roses for me, he always liked them.
*The recording shuts off*
"I'm sorry"