Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash vol. 1

19. For Now, Tomorrow

What do we do? What do we say to her? What are we supposed to do? Those questions were all Haruhiro had been able think about since before going to sleep last night. All he had been able think about until they had met Merry at the north gate at 8:00.

He didn't come to a conclusion.

Once they reached the Old City of Damuro, he needed to focus on work, so he wouldn't be at leisure to worry about anything else. The time he needed to hold precious flew by quickly, and after returning to Alterna, Haruhiro was finally able to look her straight in the eye for the first time.

"Merry. I've been wanting to talk to you," Haruhiro began as they were leaving the merchant's.

Merry said, "I see." She wrapped her arms around herself as if bracing for something. "Make it quick."

Haruhiro knew he had been acting strangely today. He didn't know how to act towards Merry. Everyone must have felt that way. Of course, it was because they heard her story from Hayashi yesterday, but she didn't know about that. Merry had likely noticed something had changed, and she had a premonition that something was coming.

Like a parting. An end.

Sorry, but could you leave the party? Haruhiro would say.

Merry would immediately say I understand, leaving at once, without further drama.

That was what Merry was getting ready to do now. That was how it looked.

Was it always like this for her? Every time, in every party? That was just too sad.

"Merry."

You're wrong, that's not what it is. As if to tell her that, Haruhiro called his comrade's name, never looking away from her eyes.

Merry furrowed her brow just a little.

It wasn't just Haruhiro. Moguzo, Yume, Shihoru, Ranta, they were all looking at Merry, as well.

Merry noticed that, stiffening uneasily.

Seriously, that's not it. That's not what's happening here.

"Merry. We had a priest in our party before. His name was Manato. Manato died. It might be more accurate to say that we let him die. We relied on Manato too much. Manato was a bit of a perfectionist, see. If we got injured, he would heal even the slightest scratch. He was a reliable healer, and a tank, as well. He was always on the front line with Moguzo. On top of that, he was our leader, so we were making Manato take on three roles by himself. I thought he was amazing. But we took that for granted. It wasn't easy on Manato. But he never let that show. So we never imagined how Manato was feeling. Now, all we can do is imagine it. Because Manato died. He's gone now."

It was probably occurring to Merry that she and Manato were similar. Quite possibly, she was assuming that Haruhiro had heard about her past and was telling her this because he knew that.

Haruhiro had been at a loss for what to do. He had heard the story from Hayashi. He knew roughly what happened long ago, and had a rough idea why she had turned out like she had. Should he tell Merry that? But, somehow, that felt wrong.

He knew what had happened, and why things were like this. But Haruhiro didn't think people were that simple, and he couldn't see into Merry's heart. He couldn't say that he understood her so easily. The only one I can open up about is myself.

"When we lost Manato, honestly, I thought we were finished. That it was impossible to go on without him. But, even after Manato died, we were still alive. If you're alive, you can't just do nothing. For now, we have no choice but to keep ourselves fed as volunteer soldiers. Even if we are just trainees. So, we invited you to join us. Because, without a priest, we can't do anything at all, you know. That was the only reason. There wasn't anything else to it.

"But, me, Ranta, Yume, and Shihoru, we were the leftovers to begin with. Moguzo managed to get into a party with some guy named Kuzuoka, but he got thrown out, and they even took all his money. With Manato bringing us together, it wasn't perfect, but we managed to become a party. We became comrades. That was all it was. But we became comrades. Sometimes things don't go so well, and sometimes we get angry and fight with each other. But, in the end, we're all still precious comrades. Rather than dwelling on why we became comrades, right now, the important thing is that we are comrades. As for me, Merry, I think of you as a comrade."

Merry said nothing. Aside from blinking occasionally, she just stared back into Haruhiro's eyes.

"...I feel the same." Shihoru raised her hand. "I think of you as a comrade."

"That's right," Yume grinned. "Merry-chan's a real cutie-pie, after all."

"I-I do." Moguzo was still wearing his barbut. "Of course I think of you as a comrade. It's reassuring, having you there."

Ranta snorted. "Yeah, me too, well, you know... The way I make a fuss over little injuries. It's not like I haven't reflected on it at all. Doing that kind of stuff. ...Anyway, you're a comrade, I guess?"

"I guess it'll snow tomorrow," Haruhiro said, looking up at the darkening sky. "Since Ranta says he's reflected on something. Hopefully snow is the worst that happens."

"Even I reflect on things sometimes! My ability to learn is crazy high! After being with me all this time, you still haven't figured that much out?!"

"Well, setting that aside..."

"Hey, Haruhiro! Don't try to just move on! You're making me sad!"

"I think it's about time we settled on a goal. Our current objective, I mean—"

Haruhiro looked at Merry. Merry was the same as before. She just kept staring at Haruhiro.

It's probably not out of rejection. She's not rejecting us. I want to think that. That's enough for a start.

"— since it's been kind of vague up until now. We don't seem to be working hard to save enough to buy our badges; we seem to just be living day by day. I want to stop doing that, and choose a direction to focus on."

"Our goal is to become billionaires! Also, world domination!" Ranta burst in.

Haruhiro ignored Ranta and continued on with what he was thinking. Aside from the noisy Ranta and silent Merry, they all agreed at once.

"I'm only interested in money and power," Ranta broke in. "I wanna be popular with girls, too, though. But, once I've got the money and the power, then the rest'll work itself out. ...Well, as a goal, that's a step before being a step before being many steps before that goal, but I guess it's fine, really."

Yume sighed. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, he just keeps goin' on."

You said it, Haruhiro thought as he looked Merry in the eye. "Merry, do you have an opinion?"

Merry cast her eyes downward.

She tucked her chin in a little. Was that a nod? He decided to take it as one.

"Will you join us for dinner?" he asked.

"No," Merry said, adding in a quieter voice, "...not yet."

"I see."

He couldn't expect it to happen right away. Even if he spent some of his precious time, something he could never know how much he have left of, to take the next step, by the time he did, the end could still be right around the corner.

So of course I want to be in a hurry. Considering that. Still, this was a step forward.

For Haruhiro and the others, who were still all inexperienced or worse, they had to move forward with little steps like this.

Just as Merry turned to go, she said clearly, "See you tomorrow."

For now, tomorrow would come.