Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash vol. 1

22. For You

I've been thinking all along about what to say when this moment came.

It feels like we've spent so long together, but the truth is, we haven't. Actually, we've only known each other for a short time. Too short a time. That's why I feel like I know you, but I don't know you at all. You were good with people, easy to talk with, smart, able to do anything, and I always felt I could depend on you. I thought you were flawless. But it may just be I never noticed your shortcomings. You may have been hiding your weaknesses. If we had spent longer together, I might have seen another side of you.

I wish I could have known. Known what kind of guy you really were. I wish we'd had more time. With more time, I'm sure so many things would have happened. We might have gotten mad at each other and fought. We might have come to hate each other, or to like each other even more. One day, suddenly, Shihoru might have confessed her love for you. What would you have done then?

I don't want to think that, once someone's gone, there's no point in talking to them, that your words can't reach them.

But the more I think about it, the more my heart aches.

Because I know that the friend I still recall when I close my eyes has stopped moving, was burned in the flames — whether that was a mercy or not — and now was reduced to ashes, and now is in this grave which casts its shadow in the evening.

"We've become volunteer soldiers now."

In the end, that was what Haruhiro said to the grave which bore his friend's name and the crescent moon, holding up the Corps Badge that looked like a silver coin as he did.

Ranta, Moguzo, Yume, Shihoru, each of them pulled out their own badges, showing them to their departed friend.

Merry stood a little away from the other five, her eyes cast downwards, with one hand at her chest.

"It's not that we didn't have the money to buy our badges before." Haruhiro gripped his badge tight. "But we wanted to make a clean break with the past and tie up loose ends first. We all decided we would wait until then.

Ranta snorted. "Honestly, I didn't really care. But you guys wouldn't shut up about it."

"Stupid Ranta." Yume slapped Ranta on the shoulder. "You don't have to say such heartful things at a time like this, do you? People already hate you enough."

"That's fine by me. After all, I'm a dread knight. We live to be hated."

"...Actually, Yume," Haruhiro tugged lightly on Yume's cloak, "you meant hurtful, not heartful. No one would hate him if they were heartful..."

"Oh? Really? Yume always thought it was heartful up until now."

"U-Um." Moguzo turned to Shihoru. "Isn't it time for that?"

"Ah... Yeah."

Shihoru walked forward, crouching in front of the grave. Pulling one more badge out of her pocket, she hesitated for a moment, and then... hold on, was she trying to force it into the crescent moon carved in the grave?

"No, Shihoru, that's a bit much..." Haruhiro went to stop her, only for Shihoru to turn around saying, "Huh?" her face turning a bright shade of crimson. "...I-I'm sorry, I was wondering where I ought to leave it, and I..."

"Well... It's fine, really. But I don't think it's going to fit there. The shape isn't the same."

"...O-Oh, yeah. I... I guess not. I'm sorry. Even though I'm fat, I'm a bit airheaded, too... Um, w-well, here, then." Shihoru gently placed the badge next to the gravestone.

"This one's for you, Manato-kun. We used the money you left behind, and everyone chipped in to cover the rest. Merry-san helped, too. Please, accept it."

If you could hear this, would you laugh and say we didn't have to do it? That it's a waste of money, and we should have spent it on improving our equipment instead? "I'm on this side now, so you guys who are on that side should use the money." You might have said it calmly like that. But, no matter what you said, we wouldn't have listened.

After all, Manato, we can't hear your voice. If you want to make us do what you want, say something. Let us hear you.

I know. You can't.

When I die, I wonder what will happen to me. Is there someplace like heaven, and will I be able to meet you there someday? I don't know. There's no way to know. No one knows what comes after death. But, at the very least, we won't be able to talk until then.

There's a wide, deep, and fast-running river between the living and the dead. Once you cross that river, no matter what happens, you're never coming back. It's a one-way trip.

The tears wouldn't flow.

But all of them wanted to stay a little longer, so Haruhiro sat on the grass, hugging one knee.

Shihoru placed her hand on the grave, her back trembling.

Yume crouched next to Shihoru, putting an arm around her shoulder and patting her on the head.

Ranta put his hands on his hips, looking up into the sky.

Moguzo took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

Merry held her hair back, looking off into the distance somewhere.

"We've become a good party."