Suspect

Troyes POV

Entering the barn, I immediately relaxed, releasing a deep breath I wasn't aware I was holding. I felt myself melt upon breathing in the familiar scent of the cabin walls, tossing my suit jacket in the corner and watching as Tyler did the same. I effortlessly flopped down onto the mattress placed just underneath the loft, sighing contently. I buried myself deep into the cushions while closing my eyes and ridding myself of any lingering anxiety that had made its way into my system.

I listened as Tyler flipped a switch, illuminating the fairy lights adorning the walls and making it possible for me to see him saunter over. I patted the empty space next to me, silently gesturing for him to join me until he settled himself into my side. He nuzzled his head into the crevice between my neck and collar bone, my hand immediately reaching to stroke his hair, almost instinctively. This had become a routine of sorts over the years, the best form of comfort we could provide each other. From break ups, to our favorite shows season finale, to, more often than not, calming myself from a series of panic attacks and dwindling anxiety, cuddling had become a type of therapy for us.

I felt Tyler's appreciative hum vibrate throughout my body as I massaged his scalp, sending a quick shiver through my spine and ending at my feet. He turned to look at me now, his normally piercing blue eyes looking seemingly dim in the low lighting.

"Are you okay?" He questioned softly. I simply let out a sigh at this, already expecting his concern before we entered the barn.

"I am now, thanks to you," I whispered back with my already prepared reply. I heard him scoff, my eyebrows furrowing at his reaction.

"You know Sivan, for being such a smart ass most of the time, you can certainly have your sappy moments."

I giggled, shoving him playfully and mumbling a sarcastic "shut up" as he rebounded back to my side, intertwining our legs until I couldn't tell whose limb was whose. I leaned back, relishing in the comfort of the plush mattress and the adorable boy next to me.

"I am actually sorry though," Tyler said, sitting up to look at me. "I should have known you wouldn't be comfortable. It was selfish of me to assume you'd be okay in there-"

"I said shut up," I cut him off, shoving him once more. I felt guilty thinking he was actually holding himself responsible for my own actions.
"I'm the one that asked you to go, it's not your fault I can't grow a pair and interact with stupid teenagers," I mumbled softly, feeling even worse about ruining the evening he'd been so excited for.

"You're right," he spoke up suddenly, after a brief silence. I looked at him quizzically, not expecting him to agree with me.
"Why on earth would I spend time cuddling my best friend in the entire universe when I could be partying with a bunch of drunk teenagers that I have absolutely no interest in grinding against? What kind of idiot am I? You wouldn't mind if I left you and went to go have a meaningless hookup with someone too drunk and incoherent to remember my name in the morning, would you?" Tyler asked, the sarcasm dripping in his tone almost palpable. I just rolled my eyes, too lazy to even give him a small push for being such a smart ass. He didn't seem to notice though, his eyes casting over to admire the array of Polaroids we had tapped to the wall, Connor, Tyler, and I appearing in each photo.

"Mental illness can't 'grow a pair," he mumbled, his eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere but me as I recalled my words from earlier.
"It just really pisses me off that you, of all people, got stuck with anxiety. It's not fair to you. You deserve everything you want in the world, and here you are, having to calm down from a near panic attack just cause of some stupid illness. It just sucks," he finished angrily, shoving himself back into my side with a huff of frustration.

I shifted back into the cushions, my hand returning to his head as I thought out my reply. I don't know if it was something in the punch, or the genuine confession Tyler had just expressed to me that was making me uncharacteristically sappy and emotional but I felt the need to let him know how much it meant to me.