Double Minded

From the Start

It all started in fourth grade, when I first heard the voice in my head. I was sitting at a round table with my friends, and it appeared. Telling me to grab a pencil and stab it into my teacher chest. As soon as I stood up my friend looked at me funny and I sat back down. After school that day, I hurried to my room, and sat on my bed, listening as the voice in my head grow louder and louder. I fell to the floor screaming, covering my ears, hoping to block out the voice. My parents burst into my room, and I was immediately rushed to the hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with a rare disorder. I was to young to understand what he was talking about all I knew is that there was another voice in my head, telling me to do things I didn't want to do. The doctor gave me pills, that I took 3 times a day, they kept the voice quiet.

The second time I heard the voice was when I was in 7th grade. I was sitting at my desk, dosing off to sleep, ignoring the teacher. I rested my head on my desk, and was half asleep, then it appeared. The voice was quiet at first, I could barely hear it but, I knew it was there. I quickly sat up, and blocked out the world, trying to focus on the voice. "See those scissors?" The voice asked. My eyes quickly found the scissors on the teachers desk. "Pick it up, and stab that girl." I looked at a girl with blonde long hair, and who was listening to the teacher, and taking notes. I shook my head. "No." I quietly mumbled. "STAB HER!" The voice boomed in my head. I shot to my feet. The teacher stopped talking and looked at me confused. Everyone turned and looked at me. "STAB HER!" It yelled. I screamed, and covered my ears, frightening a few people. The teacher walked up to me. The voice yelled again. "Stop!" I screamed. The teacher put his hand on my shoulder. I backed away, and slowly the voice died down. I looked around the classroom, at all the scared faces. I ran out of the room, and my parents came and picked me up from school. My doctor upped my dosage and at last the voices stopped.

My last encounter was just yesterday. I was in home room talking with my only friend, Lizzy. It spoke clear, and loudly. "Kill! Kill! Kill!" I stopped talking and quickly stood up. Lizzy looked at me worried. She asked if I was alright, "Kill!" I quickly nodded my head, "I-I have to go, I'll be right back." I told her and ran for the bathroom. I pushed a girl out of the bathroom and locked the door. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. "You fool!" You should've killed her!" It yelled in my head. I covered my ears, and winced. "That won't help. I'm here to stay!" It laughed. I looked at my reflection horrified. "What do you want?" I quietly asked. It laughed louder. "You'll see." It laughed again. After a few minutes of silence I cautiously walked out of the bathroom, and walked to my locker. I heard the bell ring and Lizzy rushed over to me. I told her I have to go and I called my parents. They picked me up and took me home. My mother told me that the doctor was on vacation and that I would have to stay strong for a few days.

I lay on my bed, staring at my ceiling. "There's nothing you can do about me. I'm staying." the voice laughs in my head. I hold back the tears and roll over on my side. I close my eyes, and listen as it laughs louder. "Please. Let me sleep." I beg. It sighs, and silences. I take a deep breath and fall asleep.

(Just to clarrify this is not a true story.)