Bounty Hunter Weekly #4 - "Yodel Stuff"

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~Yodel Stuff~

(Oneshot Written By P_Productions)

~~~

This takes place before the movie I think?

“Ten-hut!” A tall yellow troll marched in front of a chalk board, holding a stick up.

A shorter, red-beared yellow troll was sitting on a log, his arms crossed. “Nein. Get to the plan, Hickory.”

The taller troll named Hickory rolled his eyes, “Arsch mit ohren..”

“What did you say?” The other troll stood on his log to appear taller and more threatening.

“Nothing, Dickory.” Hickory zipped his lips and smiled innocently.

Dickory raised his eyebrow suspiciously, “Proceed.”

“We’re aware of Queen Barb collecting the strings, correct?” Hickory drew the head of the hard rock queen on the chalk board.

“Ja.” Dickory nodded, twirling his beard, slowly losing his attention.

“Supposedly, she’s searching for help to retrieve the pop string from the queen of pop and there’s a reward.” Hickory grinned smugly.

“What’s the reward?”

“A territory of our own, where we’ll be able to enjoy our beautiful yodeling.” Hickory pulled down a map and pointed at a super tiny island.

“Small.” Dickory squinted his eyes to see it.

“It’s not drawn to scale.” Hickory spun the chalk board around and started drawing out a plan, “We know the queen and her friends haven’t visited funk, techno, or country yet, so with the country trolls being our speciality, we’ll stake out in Lonesome Flats and wait for them, and then we wait and gain their trust before we can get their string. Simple!” He turned the board back around to show a drawing of a country troll disguise.

“I call front!” Dickory tossed a pair of jeans at Hickory and replaced his alpine cap with a cowboy hat.

“But I’m taller!” Hickory took the cowboy hat and put it right over his other hat.

“So?” Dickory jumped up and took the hat back.

“It makes more sense for you to be the back end.” Hickory snatched the hat again and held it down on his head.

Dickory groaned, “Fine.” He grabbed the pants and stormed off.

The two of them got in to the pants in some way that I will never figure out and Hickory put the brown vest on over a yellow-green shirt or whatever it is. Their clothing logic makes zero sense.

“There’s lack of air down here.“ Dickory‘s only source of oxygen was the hole his ponytail went through for the tail.

“Quiet Dickory, butts don’t talk.” Hickory smacked the back end of the pants to slap him.

“Are we walking to Lonesome Flats?”

“Ja, so we can readjust to walking in sync.” Hickory smirked smugly and started to walk.

“Ich hasse das.” Dickory stomped as he walked.

Hickory smacked Dickory again, “Walk normally.”

“Halt!” Dickory pinched Hickory’s butt for some reason to stop him. “You’re forgetting something!”

“Oh, right.” Hickory pulled two pieces of felt from his hair and a roll of tape, then taped the sideburns to his cheeks I guess.

(THE LOGIC OF THIS ENTIRE COSTUME CONFUSES ME SO MUCH)

Dickory crossed his arms and grumpily walked, “Fick meine Größe.”

“How’s my accent?” Hickory cleared his throat and started speaking in a southern drawl rather than his soft German voice, “Howdy there, the name’s hot Hickory.”

“Remove the hot and it’s perfekt!” Dickory made a chef’s kiss sound.

“But everyone loves charming, attractive country boys.” Hickory walked with his hands on the large button on the pants.

(Especially me.)

With them near Lonesome Flats, a few country trolls were standing outside, munching on wheats, some of them being ladies.

As Hickory passed, he winked at them, causing the ladies to pass out.

“See?” Hickory stole one of their wheats and chewed on it.

“I can’t see, your arsch is in my face.”

“Oh, right.” Hickory lightly chuckled. It was gonna be extremely awkward having his brother’s face in his butt, but it was only going to be a day, right?

“Now what?”

Hickory tipped his hat dramatically (and hotly), “We wait for ‘em.”

(ewwhatwasthatgrosswhyihatethiskillmeplease)

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