Several dozens of minutes of pessimistic thoughts have passed. I am still sitting on the classroom's cold floor, my back leaning against the wall.
Why did I work so hard to go back to my world? Why do I think I could have done better? Why did I even want to? I spent those last dozens of minutes contemplating how I ended up in that dead end.
I gave my absolute best to find the best solution. I tried so, so hard. I suffered indescribable torture, and yet I still didn't give up. But everything was for naught.
Even when I rushed to Sayori and witnessed a sun-freezing dreadful and shocking glitch, even when I subsequently broke my right forearm, I still hid deep inside me, my fear and my pain to grasp the rules of this simulation.
Yet it was pointless. I still was too stupid to understand everything.
Even when our lies made Natsuki and Yuri realize the nature of this world, instead of creating a magical drug using the placebo effect, even when the situation became more and more desperate, I still continued to find one way to salvage it.
Yet it was a mere delay of the inevitable. The rollback happened and I experienced sensations more atrocious that I could have ever imagined. I shouldn't even have bothered to resist. How stubborn I was.
Even when I was in limbo, even when Monika managed to awake me and strangled the girls, I still tried to stop her and find another way.
Yet, it was once again useless. Not only I couldn't do anything but I even fell prey to my feelings and kissed Monika even though there were two unconscious girls beside me. Worse, I forgot all about Sayori and exacerbated the situation. I was so short-sighted and egoist.
The list goes on...
When I tried to lie to Monika about the letter and failed miserably, while shattering her heart in the vain process.
When I attempted to punch them like a retard (Seriously? Punching beings who can create an entire universe? I was a complete moron.) and instead hit Monika.
When I put the blame of Monika even though I was the one who was wrong. Me or an entire universe? Monika was right all along.
I cannot describe how wholly stupid, egoist and self-centered I was, and that I am still.
…
Maybe I should just disappear…
Not that I can anyway... I am sure Monika would bring me back if something was to happen to me.
((Monika: I will always be there for you my love…))
Right...At least, there is someone who still cares about me. A person I also love…
She is my only solace. The one I have literally sold my soul for.
Nothing matters anymore except her.
...
A little of Monika in my life.
A little bit of Monika by my side.
A little bit of Monika is all I need.
A little bit of Monika is what I see.
A little bit of Monika in the sun.
A little bit of Monika all night long.
A little bit of Monika here I am…
My inner monologue is interrupted by a delicate tap on my shoulder. At the same time. a concerned voice reaches out to me:
Monika: "Ethan...Are you okay…?"
I raise my head to look at my lover. She is holding a bottle filled with water and a glass.
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FanfictionA boy named Ethan just got down DDLC finishing all routes and after the credits a weird new window appeared, join Ethan to his adventure in DDLC
