BHO CAMP #3.5: The Lost Affiliate (Storm Reynolds' Novelette)

PROLOGUE

I don't know where to start. I don't know how to explain what's been happening but I will try. I will try my best even if it's the last thing that I could do for all of you. I'm hoping that in someway this could help everyone to understand. Hindi ko alam kung saan matatapos ito. Kung hanggang saan ko kakayanin na balikan lahat. Pero kung saan man ito magwawakas alam kong magagawa niyong idugtong ang mga susunod na mangyayari. Where my story will continue and end. That's my last selfish wish. Complete my story when I can't anymore. I know you can. I know you will find a way how. I want this so I could leave something that won't be taken away by those people. My story. My truth.

By the time you read this I might be gone. Masyado ng maraming nangyari. Pakiramdam ko nananatili akong nakatali sa iisang lugar habang pinapanood ang mundo sa pagpapatuloy nito sa pag-ikot. Kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko na maiibalik sa dati ang lahat. Kahit na anong gawin ko hindi ko maalis ang bahid ng duming nakakapit na sa akin. I need to leave so I can protect you all from the things he did to me. So you won't be seeing how he's slowly destroying me.This should tell you why I need to do this. Why you need to let me go. Ito lang ang paraan na nakikita ko para hindi na tuluyan pang kumalat ang lason na unti-unting kumakain sa lahat ng lakas na meron ako. I need to do this.

I will leave this on a place that I know Dawn will discover it. I hope that she's the first one to find this. She will know what to do. She will know who needs to have this and who needs to know.

Mom, Dad, and my siblings. I'm sorry. I wish it didn't turned out this way. I'm sorry if this is the only thing that I could do. Hindi kayo nagkulang na iparamdam sa akin na kaya kong malagpasan ang lahat. But I just can't. I can't escape. I'm sorry. Please take care of yourselves. I would be fine wherever I will go.

And to you. I wish we had more time but we can't now. You saved me more than you think you did. Sana mahanap mo ang taong karapatdapat para sa pagmamahal na kaya mong ibigay.

I'm sorry.

-Storm Reynolds

Everything seems so fast. I'm scared for myself and most of all for this another life. I know I can't make it but I cannot stop here.

Do I deserve this?

For lying, pretending, for being so confident with that mission even though I know that I can't handle it? For hurting someone that loves me with all his heart, for bringing pain to my family...for destroying myself.

Sabi ng mga taong lubos na nakakakilala sa akin ay pwede na raw akong bigyan ng "most selfless" award. Kasi kahit nasasaktan ako kaya kong magparaya kung para iyon sa taong importante sa akin. Lagi ko raw inuuna ang iba kesa sa sarili ko.

But I don't think I deserve to be called selfless. Kasi alam kong nagiging unfair na ako sa sarili ko...at sa kaniya.

I'm selfish. Dahil kahit hindi dapat kahit hindi tama, ginamit ko siya. Every time I feel hurt siya ang ginagawa ko na distraction. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero lagi akong tumatakbo sa kaniya. Kahit na alam ko ang nararamdaman niya. Kahit na nasasaktan ko siya.

I don't know the answers to my questions. Maybe I won't even get answers.

But one thing is for sure. When I finally close my eyes. When I finally take my last breath. When I can't feel anymore. When I can't think of all the things that ruined me.

That would be peace.

Save him. It's too late for me.