But only for you

Hope

The weekend was just filled with anger, confusion, and anxiety for both of them.

Ryan no longer planned to care for his apartment, convinced that Brendon would never come into his life again. He hardly did anything the for the entire 2 days, just mindlessly playing guitar, and attempting to get some rest. But of course, his thoughts kept him up all night, which was typical actually, but now having to deal with Brendon, he hardly slept for more than 2 hours. He even found himself silencing his sobs with his pillow the night before school started up again. He also noticed he constantly found himself losing his appetite, even though he really needed to eat. Ryan truly lost all faith.

Brendon had kept himself occupied by messing with his guitar a bit, and also going on walks, but he refused to see his friends, and he was deathly terrified for school to start up again. And unlike Ryan, he was constantly stress eating and just hoping the thoughts of Ryan would magically disappear. What would he say to his friends? What would happen when he saw Ryan again? These thoughts kept him up at night. He twisted and turned in his bed, flipping the pillow till there was no longer a cool side, and he felt like he was being tortured. Tortured by his own thoughts. He tried not to cry, but he couldn't help it. Brendon actually started crying at the dinner table Saturday night, and his mother instinctively asked what was wrong.

"Brendon, honey, what's wrong?" His mother asked softly in the sweetest and most comforting way.

His father wasn't sure what was going on, and he tried to focus on his wonderful dinner that he had made that night, which was actually chicken cacciatore. But Brendon knew his father did care about him, very much in fact, he just never really put his affection and care into words, heck, he hardly knew how to show it at all.

"It's about a g-guy... His name is R-Ryan" he stuttered through his choked up words and tight throat. Brendon dropped his fork unintentionally onto the floor. His mother quickly grabbed and still held it when she embraced her son in a loveable and motherly hug.

"Would you care to say more?"

"I-I only knew him for the five weeks of school, but, I uh, um..." He just couldn't say what happened, as hard as he tried to force out the words.

His mother simply nodded and let go, taking the fork into the kitchen and grabbing a new one. Brendon looked off into nothing and tried to calm himself down. He took long deep breaths, and he tried to ignore the confused but concerned look on his father's face.

When his mother came back to the table he tried his best to explain what the situation he was in, excluding the part where he likes his teacher Mr. Weekes. Instead he just said he liked another boy as well, and yada yada you already know what happened. The three had very solemn faces, and sat in silence, none of them could think of what to say. Brendon nearly jumped out of his seat when his father said something.

"There is still hope" he said in his thick scratchy voice. That was the only thing he said. Such simple words, but packed with meaning to Brendon. He wanted to believe that.

~

Dallon's skin felt soft against Brendon's back, and the warmness of the older man's breath. He could stay like that for forever. A kiss was planted in between his shoulder blades as the warm hands around his waist had tightened slightly, pulling Brendon closer. It wasn't the same feeling he felt when he was with Ryan however. There was a different feeling, something not easy to explain. It was like the difference between the warmth in a bath, and the warmth of a shower. A bath surrounds your entire body with any movement you can make, while a shower can let your body go cool if you move slightly left or right. Ryan made Brendon feel like he was in a bath, and everything they did together just felt right. But when he was with Dallon, Brendon remembered certain things about Dallon that were the hurtful truth, and those were the cold areas in your body when you move into the truth about someone. Part of your heart wants them, but there are always flaws, but it was not Dallon's fault at all. He was just so much older, and his teacher, and that couldn't be changed, but he longed for Dallon so much all the same. 

His dream drifted away when his mind started to wander out of his sleepy state, and his thoughts overtook his peaceful morning.

Brendon opened his eyes and shook every thought out of his head as he got out of bed. There was a strange feeling in his stomach, a feeling of hope and dread and everything in between. It was a new feeling to Brendon, but he tried to ignore it. He suddenly remembered it was Monday, and his stomach tightened again. All he wanted to do was stay inside his house for the rest of his life and eat his troubles away, but he knew his parents wouldn't
Allow that.

There is still hope