drama⚘⚘ nomin

six

Jeno stays at my place talking about nonsense with me until I start telling him what's been going on again. I manage not to cry this time, but my whole body is shaking.

"I'm just so scared," I mutter, "of losing you."

"I know." It's the first time since I started talking that Jeno says something. "And I'm sorry. I can't promise to stay with you forever because it's impossible. But I promise to be with you until you're able to stand alone again. I won't let you fall. I promised to take care of you, and I will. Until you don't need me anymore."

"I don't think that is ever going to happen," I mumble.

"We'll see about that," Jeno smiles.

"I don't want to be without you ever again." It's less than a whisper and it surprises me Jeno understands what I'm saying.

"Me neither. But I guess you're better without me. I mean... You've seen what already happened to you because of me."

"I don't care. I don't care about any of that. For me, it's about what you're doing for me. You're the cause of all of this, I know. But you don't just leave me to them. You care. You're the first person in ...years to really care about me again."

"You deserve so much better than this," he whispers. His eyes start glistening and it takes me some time to realize he's about to cry - over me?

"Jeno..."

"I'm sorry." He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. "It just annoys me so much there's nothing I can do."

"There is. You're already doing enough."

"You're still so hurt."

"Because you're taking care of my wounds. And cleaning them up hurts."

He smiles weakly. "I just hope you're right."

"I am. I can feel it. Kind of. There will always be something to hurt me." I look down. "But you're with me," I mumble, "you care for me."

Jeno doesn't reply. Not until I look up again and he smiles at me. "As long as you think I'm enough," he says, "I'm enough."

"You are." I hesitate. "You... you mentioned hugging me forever this morning..." I can feel my face turn red. Jeno laughs softly.

"Sounds good to me."

So we hug. And it turns into cuddling. My heart bursts at being this close to him, arms wrapped around each other. I can smell his perfume, his detergent. In other words, my favourite smell on earth.

❃

Two days later, my sleep has already improved a bit. I haven't slept longer, but at least I'm not that tired in the morning anymore. I'm pretty sure Jeno notices, though he doesn't say anything about it. But he smiles at me and hugs me before we leave for school.

Jeno goes home after my last lesson starts, and I'm glad he promised to come back before I leave. To make sure I'm safe. Honestly? I want to kiss him for that.

He waits right in front of the classroom and I'm not sure I'm imagining the disappointment in some of his fans' eyes when they see him. It scares me so I mutter a "Thank you" to him before grabbing his hand and dragging him with me to leave quickly.

"In conclusion," Jeno says as we leave the building, "I'm never letting you go home alone ever again." So he saw their expressions, too.

We talk about nonsense as usual, and my anxiety decreases. He's with me. He'll always be. He'll protect me. I don't just believe it. I know it.