𝐈𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐆𝐀𝐘 || 𝐉𝐎𝐒𝐇 𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒

"𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐝𝐨 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮."

TW // SELF HARM

Spencer's POV
~
I grabbed my car keys and left the studio. There were like, 14 other models and they had only gotten through three and I was number 15 so, I was last.

I got to the penthouse and opened the front door.

Anthony was standing next to Josh's room, biting his finger nail and shaking. I didn't realize how bad this was. I walked over to the door and heard soft sops and whimpers.

I looked and Anthony and he was ushering me to go in.

"He not gonna let me."

I told him. If he didn't let Anthony in theres no way he's letting me in.

"Go."

I exhaled and opened the door.

"Anthony please get out."

I closed the door behind me and walked closer to him.

"Anthony get the fuck- Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?"

As he looked at me he put the razor behind his back and smiled at me. He's so good at hiding the truth.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Anthony told me you had a razor. Where is it?"

"I don't have a razor. Come here."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me on the floor with him and hugged me.

"Where were you?"

"Photoshoot. Where's the razor Joshua?"

"I don't have a razor. Why do you think that?"

I looked at the tops of his arms and saw faint scars.

"Have you been self harming? Josh please tell me if you have."

"I haven't. I swear. Now come here."

He grabbed my arm but I pulled away.

"What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you? Do you not trust me enough to tell me if you're self harming or not? Josh I want to help you but I can't help it don't tell me."

"I'm not. Can you just take my word for it?"

"Stand up."

"No Spencer, just stop."

"Stand the fuck up. now."

I didn't want to be mean but he was giving me a hard time and I was worried. Why does he not trust me?

"I'm fine okay?"

I saw tear well up and fall out of his eyes. I realized I was yelling, and he hates it when people yell at him. I sat on the floor and hugged him. If he's not ready to talk about it, he doesn't have to.

(SAME GOES FOR YOU!!!! If you're not ready to admit your self harming and/or suicidal thoughts, you dont have to :) i love you guys)

"I'm sorry for yelling at you I just love you so much."

"I love you too."

"Talk to me when you're ready okay?"

I smiled. He wasn't ready. There's no reason I should force his emotions out.

"I'm ready. You are my boyfriend, you deserve to know."

"Thank you. How long?"

I asked. I didn't want to seem forceful so I let him lay on me while I played in his hair.