14th February 2017
“Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked on one knee in front of the canteen. I was so shy I didn’t even understand what was happening. It was my first time. I was so fucking shy
“yes” I said, he got up and hugged me. I was short of words. I felt his hug was weird, but what did I know I thought it was how people hugged, after all it was kinda like my first real hug. After that incident in the morning, I found out he also had feelings for me and didn’t know how to break it to me………. We got along well and of course he surprised me by asking me out in front of at least half of the whole school. I’d only ever known him to be a helpless romantic and yes, I didn’t want to know him as any other thing except what I knew him as. Word got around pretty fast that we had become a couple, trust the news to spread with the fact that I was two classes ahead of him as the headline. Honestly I didn’t mind, I wasn’t even fazed by that, all I knew was that I was in love with him. He was the first guy I had ever fallen in love with and my very first boyfriend. I had always fantasized about getting married to my first love, but I guess fairy tales are always just meant to be fairy tales
The bell rang jolting me from my reverie
“I don’t have any class right now let’s go to library we’d have more privacy there” I stated. I was in my final year in secondary school so I barely had classes.
“I’m sorry but you know we aren’t in the same class, I’ve got classes of mine to attend, I’m so sorry love”. Feeling a bit disappointed, I understood him. I bade him goodbye and went to the library with a smile on my face, bearing in mind that after school, we’d meet again. I just couldn’t wait.
The Present
I knew I shouldn’t be going through his messages right now but I always get this tight knot in my chest whenever he holds his phone, it’s like he’s doing something bad. I hate the way I always feel; I hate the fact that I can’t trust him. But honestly I can’t be blamed here, all of this isn’t my fault or my making, sometimes I just wished I could be a lesbian, but….
“I’d always love you Jessica nothing can ever keep us apart, not even Isabella. It’s only you I’d ever love” ……… I froze in my tracks, a lone tear escaped my left eye. You’re his personal bitch, one that’s not even worth loving. ‘hurt’ would be an understatement for what you feel, your heart bleeds.
I started trembling, my mind was playing tricks on me or rather it was telling me the truth, I trembled not because I was afraid but because I was angry. I never thought I would be in such a position, a position where I’d want to leave but I won’t be able to leave. Someone would look at me now and reprimand me for being stupid but they wouldn’t be able to understand that it wasn’t so easy. None of this wouldn’t have happened if not for that night…...
“Isabel what are you doing with my phone?” I mentally face palmed myself, I didn’t hear the bathroom door opening. He was just tying a towel round his waist making his V line was visible, he wasn’t your definition of hot but his body structure was just appropriate.
“stop staring at me what were you doing with my phone” a frown was now making its way to his temple.
He actually has the nerve to think of getting angry, am I not the only one here allowed to get angry? Don’t ever give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he’s hurting you.
“what does it look like Cyril?” while feeling the tears threatening to come out I threw the phone down and made for the doorway
“Isabel”
I ignored him while trying frantically to wipe the tears that were already pouring down in quick succession. I was just a few feet to the door when I was yanked back roughly
“wtf is wrong with you Isabella?” he spoke calmly “Can’t I just leave my phone for a few minutes without all this drama ensuing afterwards? Can’t you just trust me??” he was now shouting “wtf do you want from me girl”
O the nerve of him to speak like that to you, you’ve got to do something about this, you can’t let this piece of shit speak to you like that. But I love this piece of shit. The tears were already falling in torrents now, I looked at him through my misty eyes, I saw no remorse on his face whatsoever; the knot in my chest became tighter by the second I just had to let everything out.
“you want to know what’s wrong with me? You honestly want to know what’s wrong with me?” I screamed at him “well here it is” I rose my hand and released all my anger and frustration upon his cheeks. “that’s what wrong with me bastard”. I looked up at him and saw his eyes red with anger. I hastily wiped my tears and went to pack my bags to return to my house. I was done packing my bags, I took one last look at him and made for the door… DÉJÀ VU
“and where do you think you’re going bitch” he yanked me back
Arrggggggghhhhhhhh what’s with all this yanking
“wherever you think you’re going to you won’t leave me" he struck me across my face and I blacked out
*******
I had this throbbing headache; I tried conjuring up memories for the last few hours but it felt like my brain was being split into two, I tried opening my eyes but my eyelids felt like lead. I couldn’t give up giving up isn’t an option. I pried my eyelids open and dragged myself up, I noticed it was dark outside, I checked for traces of Cyril at home but I couldn’t find him, I sighed in relieve I really didn’t want to see him right now, but I needed some fresh air. I walked to the door and tried opening the door but it won’t budge; I tried several times before it finally gave way. I sighed, I thought it was locked. My hair was a mess, but I couldn’t care less; it was night who would actually notice. I was the only one at home, I couldn’t leave his door open, I didn’t even know if he carried his keys, but I know his cousin surely carried his keys. I gave myself a five minutes’ head start before taking my walk. Five minutes came and went very slowly thanks to me always looking at my watch. I stood up and dusted myself ready to leave when a shadow started approaching, someone was rounding the corner why isn’t there always any luck on my side! I started going frantic I’ve got to hide, going inside to hide wasn’t an option, I decided to stand my ground there was barely any place outside to hide. You could practically hear my heartbeat if you came so much as an inch nearer to me. After what I felt was hours of me standing there and listening to my heart beat, the person finally walked around the corner and stopped, he started coming closer to me cautiously and with each step he took forward, I took one backwards with my heart in my ears
“Bella what’s wrong with you?” relief washed over me when I heard his voice. I rushed over to him, threw my weight on him and bawled my eyes out on his shoulders. He was the only one who ever addressed me as bella. He just let me cry all I wanted, I was surprised because on most days, he’d tell me
“get your head out of your ass”. After I got my head out of my ass a little, I noticed his shirt where I had been leaning on was soaked. I felt bad. I cleaned my eyes and mumbled
“I’m sorry” he held my face in place and looked at me while I was trying so hard not to whimper like a little puppy
“did you guys fight again?” I couldn’t keep it in again I started crying again, by this time my head was aching me badly.
“let’s go in Bella”
“I don’t want to Seb, I’m scared. I just want to go away from here. I just want to walk on the road and let the breeze hit me and let all my tears freely” I sobbed into my hands, this time I couldn’t hide my little whimpers. I also whimpered when I sobbed
“I’m here for you Bella, I won’t leave you. You can’t go out like this, something bad might happen to you” what he actually said had some meaning, what if I had an accident I could barely see properly…...
“my head” my whimpering became louder, I clutched my head in my hands as I couldn’t help the pain that was surging through my brain
“let me get you an Aspirin across the road, I’d be right back.” He guided me to sit on the pavement roundabout the house “don’t leave, I’d be back”
“don’t leave me here” I cried “I don’t want to be alone; I might do something crazy”
“what about your headache” he asked with concern latched at every corner of his voice
“if I can sleep, it will go, just don’t leave me”
“alright, let’s go inside” he kicked the door open. The darkness hit me, I didn’t even realize there was a full moon outside. Because I was hurt, I didn’t even realize there was my most favourite thing in the sky. “dammit no Light!!” he fumbled for his phone, switched on his light and went inside. I squinted my teary eyes till it adjusted to the sudden brightness then I followed suit. He dropped his bag and sat on his bed “come here” I walked towards him. He patted his laps and I understood. I removed my glasses and dropped them on the floor by the bed head. I made my way to him resting my head on his laps and curled myself into a ball. I slept off with a little whimper stuck in my voice box.
*************
I heard the door bang faintly, my heart beat quickened but I was too tired and exhausted to care. I tried sleeping back, but I heard Sebastian and Cyril arguing. I started eaves dropping on their conversation
“Sebastian I don’t know what you’ve got going on with my girl but it’s got to stop”
“you’ve still got the nerve to call her your girl? I thought she was more like a free ride bitch to you” he chuckled
“don’t use that tone on me, she’s mine and whatever I use her for isn’t any of your concern, so take your butt out of my business”
“I will once you start treating her right asshole, what kind of guy are you!!! How dare you hit a girl! All this girl ever did was love you. And all you do is hit her and walk away? To meet who? Someone who probably doesn’t love you and is as devoted as her? Look man, I disappointed in you. I didn’t expect this from you…...” I heard a knock on the door, I heard voices, Cyril’s and a female. I heard the door close softly and the voices faded away. I felt my self being lifted up and placed on Cyril’s bed, once I felt my body touch the bed again, I curled up into a ball and cried softly. I just wanted Cyril to come hold me and tell me he loved me but as much as I wanted it, it never happened. I cried myself to sleep again.
