The Life Of Trans Phan

I love you no matter what (Genderfluid! Dan)

I've always known I'm different. I'm just not the same as other guys. I've grown to accept it over the years, especially after my parents told me that they accepted me. But I've never told anyone else. Because even though I've accepted it, I'm still ashamed.

I'm ashamed that I'm genderfluid.

I live with my best friend. He's called Phil and I'm madly in love with him. But even so, I've never told him. Whenever he leaves the house, whether it be for an hour or a week, I dress up in my skirts and dresses. I put a wig on and do my makeup. It makes me feel amazing. I call myself Danielle and it just feels so right.

Other days I'm happy being Dan, hanging out with Phil and playing video games.

The reason I never told him is because he'd think I'm a freak. And who'd ever love a freak like me anyway?

-X-

It was a rainy Sunday afternoon and Phil had just left to visit PJ and Chris. The moment he left, I stripped off my clothes and got out my box of dresses. I put on my purple and blue dress that ends right above my knees, showing off my freshly shaven legs. After putting my brown wig on, I sat down in front of the mirror and started applying my makeup. I guess I got caught up in applying it or something, because the next thing I knew, Phil pushed open the door.

"Hey Dan, I'm ju-" He stopped, staring at me in shock. My heart started racing as I ran past him, locking myself in our bathroom. Tears poured down my face as I realised what had just happened. Phil had caught me and now he knew I'm a freak. He'd never want to talk to me again. God, he'd probably kick me out.

"Dan, open the door," I heard Phil say, knowing on the door gently. I knew better than to ignore him, it'd only make him cross. Quickly I unlocked the door and sat back down on the side of the bathtub. My head dropped to my hands as gentle sobs racked my body.

"Danny, don't cry, you will ruin your makeup," Phil whispered, gently taking my hands in his. I looked up at him in confusion. Why wasn't he shouting or telling me to leave?

"Wh- what? You don't hate me?" I asked, watching him.

"Why ever would I hate you? Because you like to wear dresses and stuff?"

"Well, yeah. I'm a freak," I tell him, looking away from him, ashamed.

"Danny, I think you look beautiful. If you want to wear makeup and put dresses on then you should! You look amazing!" He said sincerely, smiling at me. I smiled back, before wrapping my arms around my best friend.

"Thank you so much, Phil, you really are amazing,"

-X-

"Phil, how do I look?" I stepped into the living room, dressed in my prettiest clothes. I had a long sparkly, purple dress on with matching purple high heels. A long brown curly wig was settled on my head and my makeup was on point.

Phil got up and walked up to me, placing a hand on each of my shoulders.

"You look perfect and completely gorgeous, " He told me, giving me a massive grin.

It had been a month since the night Phil caught me and it had only gone up from there. Phil had gotten me a pink bracelet to show that I'm a girl and a blue bracelet to show that I'm a boy so that he could tell which gender I was. It was really really helpful.

He always used the correct pronouns and called me Dani or Danielle when I was a girl. If we were alone then I'd normally wear a dress and put makeup on; Phil always called me beautiful if I did.

I was falling deeper and deeper in love with Phil every day. He was perfect in every way. But he's gay, not Pansexual or Polysexual. He doesn't like genderfluid people. And there for he doesn't like me.