I sat down on one of the benches in a near-by forest. Knees up under my chin and tears slowly falling down my cheeks. I snuffled a few times and figured it was getting late but I just couldn't face going home to everybody. Just then, I heard somebody behind me and quickly wiped my tears away straightening myself up on the bench. Of course it was Max, just the person I didn't want to see. He wrapped a blanket around my shoulders but I never took my eyes off of one of the trees in front of me. We sat in silence for a few minutes but then I broke down crying. "Please don't go" I cried, burying my head into his chest.
So much for the brave face Rebecca...
He rubbed my forehead with his thumb for a few moments and finally spoke.
"Bec, it's not that easy. I can't take it around here anymore. The house, it's..it's just reminding me of all the good times we had, when there was the 8 of us, when we were actually a family. It makes me so upset to think how we were all so happy to becoming miserable gits. It's been rough these past 5 years, for all of us. Me, Dean, Kevin, we've all started smoking, Johns turned to alcohol. Sarah, well she's turned to food." I have to admit I did giggle a bit before he continued. "It's killing us, but you know what? I'm so proud of you, because you're so strong and you're so brave. You're the only one who hasn't turned to anything to help with the pain. I couldn't be a more proud brother." He placed a gentle kiss on my head. I stared at him for a second and a tear ran down my face. I became a bit anxious because I had turned to something, something I never did want to tell him. But I told Max everything, he deserved to know.
"What if I told you I have turned to something. Something that's killing me inside and outside. Mentally, physically. Would you still be proud?" I asked him.
"If you tell me even though it's hard to tell, then yes.. But wait Bec you're not on drugs are you?"
"No. Bit it's a drug to me." Another tear slowly started to fall.
Before I could even say another word, Max had grabbed my arm and pulled up my sleeves, turning my arm upwards.
"No Bec, no no no no no no anything but this. No no please Bec." He looked me in the eyes before pulling me close to him and holding me in his arms.
I cried uncontrollably and could feel Max shaking.
"How long have you been-"
" A year and a bit" I said softly.
"Just your arms or?"
"Everywhere that was never visible to you or anyone else."
"Why didn't you tell me earlier? I could have helped you, stopped you, I don't know. Anything but let you damage your perfect skin like this." He looked like he was about to faint. I knew telling him was just going to worry him.
"Show me where else you've been doing it" he said.
"No." I replied.
"Rebecca, I, trying to help you. Please just show me where else."
"Help? Help me? You want to help me? Max incase you've forgotten, you're fucking leaving me tomorrow. Don't fucking say you're trying to help me because as soon as your plane leaves you won't even remember this conversation. You'll be too busy thinking of yourself like always. So don't tell me you want to help me, I don't want help. Nobody can help me!"
I got up and started to walk towards home, Max followed me shouting my name but I ignored him.
As soon as I got home, I ran into the bathroom and drew myself a bath.
I lay there in the steaming hot water, I held my breathe and slid under the water.
Tick, tock, tick, tock..
