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I WAKE UP THIS morning with a pounding headache. I went downstairs and made myself a cup of coffee. I went to the couch and cuddled up to Mike who was the only other person up.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" And just like that, I broke down. He pulled me into a hug "M&M, what's wrong babe? Talk to me." I sobbed so loud and at that point, all of the emotions were coming out.
"I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm so sad. I want it to be over. I'm so tired of being tired." My body is so exhausted.
"Babe, where's this coming from?"
"Nicoles in Vinnys bed." Jenn came down the stairs.
"Thank you. I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air." I walked outside and gasped for air after crying so much.
I laid down on the ground and gazed at the sky. I want to go home. I need to go home. I let my thoughts take me to another planet. I don't know why I'm so sad. There's one thing I can think of. Vinny. Other than that, nothing.
After a while of calming down, I went back inside and relaxed for a while. The guys were getting ready for MVP night. "You know what's funny? M&M has hooked up with 2/3 of MVPs members." Mike laughed and I flipped him off.
"You and Pauly hooked up? When?" Vinny looked confused.
"Last night. You know, when you and Snooki hooked up." I know, I'm being petty. But the look on his face was worth it.
After the guys left, the girls were getting ready to leave to go play pool. "Come on Maya."
"No, you guys go ahead, I think I'm gonna stay in tonight." I looked down so they wouldn't see the look on my face.
"You sure?" Snooks asked.
"Yea. Next time." I gave her a smile before they left. I went to the stairs and grabbed my suitcase. I just want to see my mom. In the middle of packing, I went downstairs to call Alyssa.
"Hello?" I heard her groggy voice over the phone.
"Did i wake you?" Looking at the clock and seeing that it was only 11 pm.
"No. Just been up all day playing video games. You calling for a therapy session?" She knows me so well.
"Yea." My voice cracked.
"Talk to momma." She always knows how to make me laugh.
"My anxiety is acting up. I miss home like crazy. I thought I was getting over Vinny and might possibly like Pauly but last night Vinny and Snooki smooshed and I felt horrible. I smooshed Pauly. I don't know if it was because I wanted to or if it was to get back at Vinny. Anyway, this morning I broke down. I feel like I'm trapped. I don't know what to do." I sighed.
"There's not much you can do. Have you told Vinny how you feel?" I laughed.
"No."
"I think you should start off there, babes. And please think about leaving before you do. You're all the way in Miami. If you leave, there's no going back."
"Damn. You're right. Thanks for being my therapist for free." We said our goodbyes and I hung up.
Before I could get out of the beanbag chair, the boys came home with girls. "Great." I sighed audibly. So much for talk to him, tell him how you feel.
With that, I went back to packing my suitcase. Jenn walked in to grab something and glanced at me before snapping her head back in my direction. "Maya what the fuck are you doing?"
"Leaving." I wiped a tear that fell. Damn I'm gonna miss them but, I'll see them next summer.
"Why? What- wait I'll be right back." She came back with Sam and Snooks.
"What are you doing?" Sam sat on the bed behind me.
"You're not leaving. Fuck that." Snooki grabbed a handful of my clothes and threw them across the room.
"Snooki." I cried harder. They're making it so much harder than it needs to be "I just need a break. Please don't make this harder than it needs to be. Please." I cried.
"Maya. Please just think this over, don't make any rash decisions. Can you wait till tomorrow morning and just see if you feel differently?" Sam pleaded and I knew she wouldn't stop until she got the answer she wanted.
"If it makes you guys feel better. I'll wait till tomorrow." I released a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. "I'm going to sleep. Goodnight."
The next morning, I woke up confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I really want to go home but at the same time if I go home there's no coming back.
After a while of just laying there Vinny came into the room. "I wanted to ask you last night but you were asleep, what's with the suitcase?"
"Thinking about leaving." I'm still really tired, is all I could think.
"What? Maya, no." He looked at me shocked.
"It is what it is. I'm really tired, I'm gonna go back to sleep." I covered my head and snuggled into the blankets. A while later I got woke up by Jenn.
"What're you doing? Are you staying or going?" She rubbed my back.
"I'm just tired. I just wanna sleep. I'll deal with this later."
"It's 2 in the afternoon." Jenn looked at me shocked and I just covered my head and turned the other way.
I got woke up again. This time it was Mike. "You okay, babe? You've been sleeping all day." He laid down next to me.
"Just tired. Confused." He pulled me in and the smell of his cologne engulfed me.
"Well me and the guys are going out. I think the girls are going out to dinner. You should join them." I sighed.
What I wouldn't give to just stay here with Mike the rest of the night... as a friend. He's my best friend.
"Everyone's leaving?"
"Everyone but Sam." I finally sat up and walked out. I walked into Sam's room to see Snooki and Jenn as well.
"You coming out with us, sleepy head?" Jenn asked.
"No, I think I'll stay here with Sam." I climbed in next to her under the covers and the rest of the night was spent talking with Sam. Of course most of it was her trying to convince me not to go.
