What I Get

Hospital

I wake to the sound of my alarm. I sheepishly reached over and shut it off. I get out of bed and get ready for school. I really hate waking up early, I nearly almost fall asleep in class. I always drink coffee and an energy drink and those seem to help.

I pour myself a cup of coffee. Matt and his parents are at the table eating eggs and pancakes.

"Morning sweetie. Are you hungry?" His mother asked in a soft tone.

"I'm not that hungry. " That medication makes me lose my appetite. I hate it! I always love to eat. I grab a couple of enery drinks and stuff them in my bag. "It's time to go, Matt." I walk out the door and I wait by his car.

Matt came out and walked over to his car. I suddenly felt a wave of fatigue wash over me mixed with dizziness. My body went numb and I fell to the ground. I could hear Matt say my name very faintly.

...

I open up my eyes to a white high ceiling and I hear beeping sounds. Where the hell am I?

"Thank god hes awake!" I heard Matt's mom  with concern in her tone.

I look around me and see that Matt and his parents are sitting in chairs next to the bed.

"What happened?" I asked weakly.

"The doctor said that the medication was too much for you and it made you pass out."

That's not the last time I past out because of medication.  I just let out a sigh.  Well I guess I just have to deal with panic attacks then.

I heard foot steps entering the room. They wore a long white lab coat and had big thick glasses on. "Good to see you're a wake." She gave me a smile. "So Lance the medication made you pass out huh?"

I nodded my head.

"Well I could prescribe you another medication. "

I shook my head. "No! I don't want to be one any mediation!" I didn't mean to shout. I was just so sick of being on medication for my condition.

Her smile turned into a frown. "Okay then."

I felt a hand on mine and I looked up and it it was Matt's mother. "Sweetie, can we at least talk about it?"

I shook my head. "Nope. It's my decision. "

"Well you could still take Xanax if needed. Your doctor could lower the dosage", the doctor said.

I sigh and roll my eyes. They can't just listen to can they? "Fine." I guess I have no choice but to listen to them.

"I'll make a note to your doctor." She walked over to a computer and started typing away.

Why do bad things always happen to me? I guess this is what I get... what I deserve.

"Everything will be okay." Matt  gave me a warm smile.

"I hope so. Can I go home doc?"

"Yes. You're all set."

We all gathered our things and we left.

The car ride was silent. I was silent in my thoughts.  Why do I have anxiety? Why am I the way I am? I hate myself...

Tears rolled down my cheeks I quickly wipe them with my fingers. I am a mess.. I want to be somebody that has no mental illness.

I just feel like a weak person now that I have an illness....

I guess that's what I get...