When Autumn Leaves [SungJoy]

-nineteen-

A/n

This story is going to end, maybe two or three more chapters. I hope you enjoyed the short chapters :) it's my first time writing in first POV, so it feels unknown to me but it makes me feel better that I can write diferrently even for once.

Happy reading!

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Sungjae's POV

How bad can it be? Sooyoung can be cured,  Korea's technology in medicine is considered one of the best in the world. 

But after hearing what her disease is, all my hope vanished into thin air, I couldn't think straight and all the moments I had with her made sense.

I walked out of the restaurant, feeling as if I'm floating of the harsh reality.

"You can forget me, Sungjae-a"

"Forget about me, its not too late."

Her voice echoed inside my head like a broken record. Right, how bad can it be, I'll be the only one who's going to suffer and she won't be.

Then I remembered her smiles and laughter. I can't accept the fact she can be fine despite of everything. Didn't she even consider me? Or the people around her? I should have stayed away from her from the start. This is unfair.

Instead of going to the hospital, I went to the riverside where we usually hang out, bought cans of beers and drank till I can't anymore thinking if it would help me forget her.

"Yook Sungjae, Is that really you?"

I turned my head to the voice who called me. Its Rose.

I gave her a sheepish smile, too drunk to be formal with her.

I offered her a beer, she took it and sat down beside me.

"Why are you here? Is it because of Sooyoung?"

I did not answer but took a sip of the can on my hand.

Rose sighed taking a sip as well. "I understand though, anyone would drink when a person precious to you is sick."

I chuckled sarcastically, "Yeah, and the ones left behind are the only ones who suffers."

Rose turned to me gaping. "Yook Sungjae... Gosh, I can't believe I used to like you but this is not right, how can you think its unfair?"

"But it's true right? She will forget everything and I will be left behind with all the memories." Alzheimer's disease can be pretty harsh.

I did not flinch when she punched me on the arm but I don't feel any pain other than the pain inside my chest. I deserve it.

"What about her? Didn't you think she tried her best to live normally? Why didn't you notice?" Rose's eyes moisten as if she remembered something. "She forgets to close her locker, forgets to tie her hair, forgets the date, even where she puts her shoes!" Her voice rising in every moment. "Why didn't you notice those little things? Last month, we saw each other in a convenient store and she didn't even know my name! She just smiled at me and continued to sit there."

The sarcastic smile I have on my face faded when I think about her sitting there at the convenient store while staring outside, she must be smiling while doing that and it pained me much more while thinking about it.

"... She said she's waiting for someone. I watched her for many  hours but no one came."

My tears started falling down as I realise where Sooyoung could be, she was waiting for me. I covered my mouth as I gasped for air.

"... I found out that she's admitted now so I went to visit her, she's normal sometimes but whenever she starts to forget a certain date, a person, her nurse and even her uncle, I feel pity for her. She looks lost like a child."

My tears continued to fell down on my cheeks making me unable to speak.

"... She cried the other day, you know why? She peed on her bed then realised what she did, she felt embarrassed in front of me." she sniffed the cold air, as if suppressing her tears. "She told me not to tell anyone what she saw. And what hurts me more is that she doesn't smile anymore." A tear fell on her cheek and she wiped it off immediately.

"She's no longer the person I know."

I'm now crying, a lump in my throat making me feel out of breathe.

"So don't think that we're the only ones suffering, she is too. If you don't love her  then forget about her, don't let it suffer you nor her, she doesn't deserve a love that gives up halfway, she's too good for you anyway." She took a deep breathe and stood up, leaving me still in tears.

My heart ache so much I that I want to rip it inside my chest.

I'm suffering like this then how much more Sooyoung is? Alone on her own thoughts, feeling lost like a child and scared.

I couldn't help but cry even harder. I don't like this, I don't want this. Get me out of this misery.

I don't want this pain.

Save me.