kiwi | hs

1

t !
feb 2017
california
— 
tip, tap, tip, tap

my hot pink acrylic nails click subconsciously on my bare thigh as i listen to my mother drone on about some new house one of the rich pricks in our country club is building as if he needed another one. honestly, i couldn't care less and the fact that she thinks i do shows she doesn't know me at all.

"townes, are you even listening to me?" my mother's nasally voice rings through my ears like nails on chalk board.

i hum in response, turning my head towards her. "no, sorry. what'd you say?"

"god, you never listen." she huffs under her breath as if i couldn't hear her and i roll my eyes.

"i said, katherine wants to go lunch tomorrow." her now giddy tone was completely fake and i know it's the one she forces in front of everyone who's not me, my siblings, and father.

"wow that's great," i say sarcastically. i look down at my lap, picking at the strings of my jeans. you could practically see my entire thigh through the large rips and i know that my mother doesn't approve. the disgusted look she gave me when i walked down the stairs was plenty telling.

"you better not have that tone when we get to the club. and i cant believe i let you walk out of the house looking like that. so unladylike, you look like of those pin up girls in those nasty magazines." she shook her head and i turn mine to look out of the window.

i don't think she realizes that i'm a human and it hurts my feelings when she slut-shames me, whether it be light remarks or vulgar statements. but if she does it definitely doesn't show because she pays no mind to the fact.

"if i put a jacket on will it make you feel better?" i sigh, running a hand through my hair.

my outfit isn't even that bad. it's an expensive transparent gucci blouse that's tied below my chest and ripped light washed jeans. however, my mother seems to think it's fishnet stockings and a spiked bra by the way she looks at it.

"no, then you would just look ugly. better to embarrass me by that horrendously revealing outfit instead of putting shame to our name by being unfashionable." she spits out, waving her hands in the air dramatically.

i keep quiet until we get to the woodland hills country club restaurant, knowing it would be best because if i retorted she would only find another way to insult me.

we pull up to the valet, and i step out sliding my sunglasses down in front of eyes as i watch my mother rudely handing the valet the car keys. i cant help but roll my eyes when she gives him a suspension glance, as if he's gonna steal our car and hesitates to hand him the keys.

"ok, when we get to the table, don't speak unless you're spoken to. these are your some of your dads new partners and i don't want you reflecting bad on our family. just...keep quiet, ok?" my mother leans into my side and whispers to me as we walk up to the grand french entrance doors.

i sigh but don't say anything because i know it would be better. i will just say something i'll regret.

i'm so beyond annoyed that i'm the only sibling who has to go to this stupid dinner with my parents and my fathers creepy, backwards business friends. my sister and brothers successfully got out of the situation, but i didn't even know anything about it till this morning so i was blindsided without an excuse or alibi to get out of it.

we walk in and get ushered to the table under our name by the lushy hostess. i see my dad and his 'friends' and their frilly wives and i put on my best fake smile.

"darling!" my dad notices me first and now my smile is natural because unlike my mother, he actual cares about me. i walk over to him and give him a tight hug. "how are you, my darling?" he says quiet enough for my mother not to here. "good." i smile.