you treat conversations like materialistic objects you strive to gain

im So Stuuupiddd

idk why i'm acting like you're actually gonna read this when it's been like 3 months and you haven't touched it yet

even if you did read it and tell me i'll probably tell u to fuck off and block you
even though i know i could do so much better and find the girl (or femboy wink wonk) of my mf dreams

but idk i guess you never stop loving people
and that sounds so STUPIDLY FUCKING GROSS YUCK CLICHE But.
i don't LOVE YOU. i still care about you and i always will in some sort of stupid retrospect and i ~guess~ it could be mistaken for love in some way
like
i'm not In love with you, i love you in the way where i wonder how you're doing and how much your music taste has changed since we last spoke and how your dogs are doing and if you're happy about school being over and what you're doing to pass the days now

that kind of love?

but i can't let myself forgive you no matter what. i refuse to let myself talk to you because i know i'll pretend everything never happened and things will go back to how they were. i'm too fucking forgiving it's so annoying and my worst trait honest to god grrr

but yeah
i don't wish the worst for you i hope you're okay about all of this
i'm sorry for making you feel bad
actually idk you were a fucking dick i kinda do hope you feel bad

i guess some part of me feels like this is a sham. i send the screenshots to my friends and they laugh at how mean i am to you. that's the usual. that's the routine.
i know i cant slip up and i know i cant show you any kindness because i'll lie to you and say it's all ok when it's not

this is so STUPIDD
i wish you never messaged me a year ago and whoever said "it's better to have loved than to have never loved at all" is a stupid fucking piece of poo.

did i make you cry on christmas day
peach pit