Pray for the Wicked

Chapter Three

My eyes flutter open as the sunlight hits my eyelids and I stretch my arms above my head and out to the side. Except for when I stretch to the side, I hit a body and jolt upwards. I look over at Brendon's sleeping frame and I feel the blood drain from my face. No. Fuck no.

I jump out of his bed and gather my clothes, which are strewn across the floor precariously. Where's my bra? I so didn't want to be in this mess. Especially not with Brendon. This is not good. No Bueno! I throw on what I have of my clothing and continue searching for my bra. It has to be somewhere. It can't have just disappeared.

I tiptoe down the stairs and into the living room, where I find Rachel smiling broadly (despite definitely nursing a hangover), holding my bra in her hands. "You naughty, naughty girl!" She teases, flinging the stupid thing at me like a slingshot. "You slept with Brendon." I feel my face turning red and I look away anxiously.

"I dunno what you're talking about." I squeak. Clearly we both know that that's a lie and Rachel laughs.

"It's okay, Cammy. He's a very attractive man, I don't know how it took you this long to succumb." I mean, I can't say she's wrong, but I also know that what I did was bad. I'm still mad at him. Angry sex doesn't change the fact that he abandoned me at a pivotal time in my life. He might think this was an apology of sorts, but I won't accept it. I can't. 

"Good morning ladies!" Brendon singsongs from behind us and I whip around to look at him. His smile is wider than I've ever seen it. Oh no. I also can't help but notice that he's not wearing a shirt, which leaves his chiselled chest exposed. I must be staring because Rachel jabs me hard in the ribs and Brendon smirks down at me. "Coffee?" He asks, ignoring my gross drool sesh. God! What the hell is wrong with me?

"Please," Rachel says dramatically and nods her head in my direction to say that I'll also take one. She obviously knows that I'm too flustered to talk, and she narrows her eyes at me in question. "We need to talk." She whispers. I purse my lips and nod at her. I grab her arm and lead her into the bathroom down the hall.

"I fucked up, Rach." I wail. Tears fall from my eyes like I'm a waterfall and I angrily swipe them away.

"Oh my god! You seriously need to tell me what the hell happened between you and Brendon that made you hate him this much. And then we have to have a talk about sleeping with toxic men because ... damn." Rachel rubs my back as I explain to her that Brendon and I had been friends until he left.

"We were supposed to start college together. He was supposed to be my anchor, but instead, he moved to LA with his band. I wanted us both to have our dreams, I didn't want our lives to be separate like they are. It made me feel like he never gave a shit about me." Rachel thinks for a moment and then nods solemnly.

"You know, I think he was just trying to give himself the best chance he could," She says, wiping some tears from my cheeks. "I don't think he was trying to hurt you, Cam ... Maybe you should give him a second chance." I look up at her from my perch on the toilet and suddenly it all makes sense. Brendon wasn't trying to be a dick. I was just a selfish 17-year-old kid.

"You girls okay in there?" Brendon asks, knocking on the door. I quickly splash water on my face as Rachel opens the door a crack to bullshit Brendon.

"Hey, handsome!" I can hear the syrupy smile in her voice and it gives me something to laugh at. I need to look like I haven't been crying, because what kind of lunatic cries for no apparent reason in someone else's bathroom? "We're just freshening up. Y'know, girl stuff. We'll be right out."

"Okaaaaaaay?" Brendon sounds suspicious but leaves us be. Rachel hands me a towel and I dab the water off of my face.

"How do I look?" I ask her, hoping my eyes aren't giant red puffs. Rachel squints at me and pulls a stick of concealer out of her pocket.

"This should help." She says, smearing the stick onto my face. I want to ask why she has it in the first place, but decide that I don't actually care. I'm just happy she has it. I take a deep breath and open the bathroom door to see a confused looking Brendon leaning against the opposite wall.

"You okay?" He asks, reaching to touch my face. I shy away from his hand and nod.

"I'm fine, Rachel just needed some wardrobe assistance." I lie, brushing past him back into the living room.

"Yeah," Rachel chimes in, poking Brendon on the nose like a small child. "Speaking of which, I better get going. Party clothes are so not daytime street fashion." She sends me a wink and grabs her coat from the closet. "See you on Monday, Cammy."

Brendon still looks confused as he sits beside me on the couch and hands me a cup of coffee. "Well that was weird . . ." He says, taking a sip from his own cup. "Is she always that cryptic?"

"Not usually," I smirk. "But she's probably still a little drunk." Really she's just a good friend. She heard my story and decided that Brendon and I needed some alone time. I appreciate that.

"Oh yeah, I guess that's why you're here, isn't it?" He says like he forgot that the two of us haven't talked in years. Then he smirks over the rim of his coffee, "I forgot because of what happened last night."

"Y-yeah w-well . . ." I stutter, hiding my face in a couch pillow. I'm mortified that that was the way we reconnected. Brendon chuckles at my embarrassment and nudges me with his elbow.

"I missed that red face of yours." He teases. I glare at him over the pillow, but I'm fighting a smile. I missed him too. "But about last night ..." His smile falters and he bites his lip. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."

"What?" I laugh. Does he honestly think he took advantage of me? I was mad, sure, but it takes two to tango and I was definitely tangoing. "B, you didn't take advantage of me. It was a mutual heat-of-the-moment decision."

"But you were so upset with me," he protests. "You were literally screaming in my face. I don't even know what possessed me to kiss you." Brendon's eyes are glassy, like he's trying to hold back tears. "You're just ... so fucking beautiful Cameron. I wanted to kiss you way back when we were kids, but I never had the courage to."

"Brendon," I'm not even sure what to say to this. We were best friends. I can't say I never thought about him in that way, but I never thought to act upon it. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But now ... "this was a mistake." I shake my head and stand up. I never should have come here in the first place. Maybe this was his plan all along? I shouldn't trust him. He left.

"Cam--" Brendon grabs my arm but I yank it away.

"I just ... I need time to process this." I walk away from him and out the door. When I get in my car, I start to cry. Why? Why did I do this to myself? I just re-fucked mine and Brendon's relationship. At least I don't have to see him every day. I won't have a horrible reminder of how much of an idiot I an.