My Distraction

Chapter Four

April

         Three months later

     Three long months. Three months of wallowing in pain. Three months of listening to Rose, that I have learnt my nurse's name  to be tattle on about her work life, love life and even personal life.

      Three months of been on that hospital bed. Three months of a handful of hospital visits, some of of them from people I do not even know. Shockingly my mother came over for a visit. My best friend also came, and I am seating on one of the seats across the receptionist counter waiting for him to arrive.
   

    I lean on the chair, allowing the cold of the metal seat to course through me. I get into a state of trance and think back to before; the last three months.
           

      In the first month, I slept a whole lot. My basic routine was sleeping, eating and taking my pills. The nurse came only twice into my room. But on the twelfth of that month, I tried a new tactic. I beckoned on her to come in, she did. She had no choice. I made the situation seem like I had forgotten all about him. It took time but she relaxed.
         

       "Rose." She had said, when  I asked her name. She told me a lot, and that is when her tattle tale began. We became friends. Close ones at that. Although, she was mostly the one who mostly disclosed her thoughts to me. At that time I felt nothing. My thoughts was clouded by him. But, I was determined to ask her about him and I knew just when. Her birthday.
           

       It was now two months of laying on that hospital bed. I remember that on the third day of that month. I sat up, the pain in my hands reduced significantly. My legs were not heavy anymore. Finally, I breathed normally. I sat up and watched telenovelas. Not minding if they spoke Mexican or not.

      I was bothered with been grateful that I finally had the strength to sit up. On the twenty - third of that month. Rose barged in with a slice of cake for me and another for herself. For a thirty-one year old, she talked a lot. She shared on and on of how her past birthdays had been. I listened intently, waiting for the time to drop the bomb. It came. And I grabbed it like a predator going for a prey.
              

      "Tell me more about Jack." I had said to her, mentioning his name for the third time out loud. But in my head, I had said that name a thousand times and maybe even more.
            
       "No." She had stated, like she would not say a word about it. I begged her to say something, the heavens know I did. Not even a word about him came out of her mouth. And she left. My hope was lost.
          

          The last month came, the third one. Rose came in still, but not like before. She made me promise up and down that I would not ask her about him anymore. But I knew better, I crossed my fingers under the sheets of my bed. I nodded at her, as she made me promise. After that, her visits became regular.

    But, the last day I would be here was nearing. And that was when the visit from my mother came. I did not want to see her and would not. I told Rose to make her go away. It was her turn to plead with me. To her, as blacks family relationship was important. But nothing she said to me could change my mind. I wanted to see her on my own accord. Luckily, Rose did as I had told her.

     The next day was my chance. She was blabbing about a man she had met and I was quick to ask her about Jack. Best time to get her to talk about anything was when she was free minded. And at the time, she looked nothing less of it. She glared at me. But she did not warn me.
      That was progress.
   

       The last three months was interesting at the least. I break away from my trance. I look down at the picture in palm. The picture that stared right back at me gave me hope.

       I smile. At least, I got something I needed. Something special. And that needed thing was with me. I looked at it and concentrated hard on the blue - black. It was my hope. My only hope that I would one day meet him. I am sure of it.
           He gave me hope.