𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕔𝕪𝕠𝕟 ; 𝕔𝕠𝕠𝕡𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕧 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤

i'm a jealous boy, really feel like john lennon

ooh boy.

so this is kind of a vent?? s mega short but. m not feelin too hot lmfao.

we shall be back to our regularly scheduled bullshit tomorrow :) (or is it technically later today??? idfk anymore)

also m still debating on making a yter oneshot book because if i do ill probably jus write a shittonne of carsjosh and i completely blame lzrtown for making me obsessed with them

title from all girls are the same - juice wrld

prompt; "i've always loved you but you're in love with someone else and it hurts."

tw; drug use, self depreciating thoughts.

word count; 583

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jealousy is a really evil thing, travis thinks, scowling down at his shoes. his room is dark, it hides the angry flush on his cheeks and the tears shining in his eyes.

of course, there's no reason he should be jealous, charlie is good for cooper, way better than travis could ever be, way better than travis already is. maybe it's because they're friends, and even if travis can't have cooper the way he wants to, seeing his best friend ditch him to hang out with someone else hurts.

and he knows, he knows there was no chance of cooper liking him back, he's stupid and hyper and annoying and- and just not good enough.

hope is a crushing thing. it's paralysing, really, and it was the only thing travis had. the hope that maybe one day, he'd ask cooper out, and cooper would say yes.

but charlie got to him first.

and travis is fine with that. he's completely fine with it, he doesn't hate charlie at all, he just envies him. he envies the fact that he fits with cooper so well, their dynamic and the way they talk with each other bringing light into the room, the way cooper talks about him like he's the only other person in the world, how cooper's eyes light up when charlie walks into the room in the way they used to when travis did. the hope that he could be good enough and now it's crushed, just like his heart. stomped flat underneath his fucking yeezys. he envies how happy they look together, wishes he could be in charlie's place, but that's all it is.

a wish.

he knows there's no chance. he knew he lost his chance when charlie asked cooper out and the smile that broke across cooper's face sealed the deal. he knew he lost his chance when cooper announced their official relationship a few weeks later, face flushed and lips pressing against charlie's cheek. he knew he lost his chance when charlie started coming over more and more often, leaving with cooper's sweaters and hoodies and shirts and any article of clothing he could get his hands on, laughing and smiling, always calling cooper right after he left so they could talk more.

but it's fine. he'll deal with it like he always has, in the way he always has.

he rolls the blunt with shaking fingers, hands reaching for the lighter on his bedside table, sniffling as tears roll down his cheeks, lighting up the end of the stick and taking a drag. he could lose himself in the weed, he thinks with a mirthless chuckle, smoke already filling his room as he takes another drag, exhaling smoke softly.

it seems as though rolling blunts and smoking are the only things travis has been doing often. he hasn't posted a new video, hasn't streamed on twitch, hasn't put anything on twitter or instagram, he hasn't been doing anything.

heartbreak hurts, but the weed helps. he's almost positive someone's noticed how he hasn't been leaving his room often, how he comes out with red-rimmed eyes and smelling like weed, how he always avoids talking with cooper, how he hardly records videos with the entirety of the lunch club, but no one's mentioned. just shows how much they care about him, right?

travis laughs. he laughs hard, harder than he has in months.

jealousy is a really shitty thing, but it's the only thing travis is feeling right now.