Cold Spaghetti [Dukexiety] (Modern AU)

I'm Only Honest When It Rains

TW:// Suicide Joke, Dark Humor, a whole paragraph rant about porn near the end, It's fucking Remus what do you expect?

Unedited

It's Saturday Morning and Remus hasn't slept in two days. He finally gets to take Virgil on a date! He's been dreaming about stuff like this ever since he met the nerd, but today was finally the day! And the best part? Roman hated it with every fiber of his being. So that's a mega score! Virgil is coming over while Roman and his Mom are getting manicures and going grocery shopping, which will take three hours at least!

Remus was playing Fire Emblem Heroes on his phone, defeating a GHB with a team of villains like Arvis and Oliver. He was just waiting for the doorbell to ring so he can have Virgil all to himself in a romantic context for once. Roman then came out from his bedroom slightly messed up, which is out of character because Roman always obsessed over his appearance. The fact that he left his hair unperfect meant that he was dealing with stuff.

"Ya good, Empire?"

Yes, Remus calls Roman 'Empire'. It's a nickname only Remus is allowed to use when he thinks Roman is upset. Like how only Roman gets to call him 'a specific nicknames that Remus would prefer not to reveal so please do not ask in the comments.

"Yeah, I'm just stressed out. Janus keeps trying to get a plan so everyone can hang out and Patton keeps spamming the group chat because he can't figure out what Muk is backwards. Thanks for that by the way."

Finger guns.

"And Remus? Be good to Virgil, 'Kay? And don't ask why we broke up unless he's cool with talking about it. That's something he really hates talking about and it's really personal for him so I agreed to keep it a secret and I would never want him to feel uncomfortable. He may be my ex, but he's also my best friend and I would never want to see him hurt. And the same goes for you. If he hurts you at all while he's here, for whatever reason, you have my permission to kick him out of our lives."

Roman was being genuine with Remus for once and not snarky? Has the entire world gone mad? Roman had his arms crossed and he was leaning against the wall. Oh no, did Remus have it wrong? Did Virgil hurt Roman when they broke up and it wasn't a clean understanding? Of course it wasn't. It never is. Especially not with two overly dramatic dorks. Remus just laughed off the entire bad vibe of the Warning.

"Relax, Empire, everything is going to be okay. Do you need a hug?"

"...yeah."

Remus rolled off the couch and walked over to Roman, who already had his arm so out and his face up. He wanted to cry but his foundation was forty-eight dollars. For the first time since prom, one twin was balling in the arms of the other. This one you guys can ask about, readers. Remus was bawling because Roman was gonna go with Virgil and he liked Virgil, so Remus lied that the person he liked was someone else and Roman comforted him still. Well, look where we are now. Uno reverse, bitch!

"Roman, nobody's getting hurt. Even if someone was, I can just grab my mace or your sword and kill a bitch. I know how to get away with murder."

"Yeah I know, I just... I'm with someone else now but I just can't help but feel like a failure. I mean, my first love is going out with my twin brother? That's a huge blow to the ego." 

"It's funny though."

"How is it funny?"

"Because you're obviosuly the more desirable one out of the two of us. You guys were genuinely happy when you were together I know neither of you would trade that time for anything else. It just makes me wonder if I can do that or I'll just commit suicide trying. But like, you know I'd never commit suicide because I have the best brother in the world. It's a metaphorical suicide."