Even After Death

"Home"

!WARNING! This episode contains suicidal thoughts and content that may be disturbing to some readers. If you are uncomfortable with abuse, suicidal thoughts, or emotional trauma I recommend you don't read this chapter.  

Anastasia

"Because I don't want to be Elder!" The words just shoot out of my mouth. I clap my hand over my mouth, trying to take it back. No one was supposed to know! 

"Well, well, well. My own DAUGHTER does not want to live up to family expectations. I thought I raised you better than that." My mother's voice makes me freeze. I choke back my tears and try to sit up straight. 

"I-I apologize mother. I did not know what I was saying." I stand and walk away from Flynn. His worry is so obvious I can feel it in the air. 

"I do not care, Anastasia. You have brought disgrace upon our family with your words. I will have to punish you for this." 

I freeze, and my head starts pounding. What... What is wrong with me? What is happening? 

The world starts spinning, and everything gets brighter. Then the light dies down, and I'm somewhere different. 

Everything is blurry, and I am unable to see faces clearly. I can't even tell what gender people are. 

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! You lied to all of us! You're here to kill us all off aren't you?" I don't recognize the person yellings voice. I can barely even see them. But they are angry. 

"No! I wouldn't ever-" A voice that sounds like mine get's cut off by the person yelling.

"I don't want to hear your excuses. We have to punish her for this." As fast as the vision started it ends. Everything goes bright again, and I feel like I am going to vomit. 

The light dies down like before, but this time everything is black. 

"I sent you away for a reason Anastasia. You ruined EVERYTHING! You're the reason this is happening. I know you remember! I know because I made you remember! Tell them! TELL THEM YOU MADE ME A MONSTER! Face the people you call 'friends'. Go on. Tell them how you-" 

The voice cut's off. And I'm stuck in the dark. As I sit down I start to cry. 

"W-why am I like this? What's happening to me? I just want to go home. I just want to see Flynn. He's the only one who cares. Mother and Father just want me for power. And the other kids think I'm a brat. I just want to see someone who cares!"

...

"What did I do wrong?"

Flynn 

"ANA! ANASTASIA!" I run and grab her before she falls to the floor. Looking up, her mother seems just as shocked as I am. 

"Give her here. Something is wrong with her, I am going to fix it." Her mother's face goes cold, and my arms tighten around Ana. 

"No." 

"What do you mean no? She is my daughter I have every right to take her." I hate this. She talks like Ana is her property, not her child. 

"I mean no. You are obviously going to hurt her." My arms tighten around the unconscious body even more. 

"Listen here, kid. She is MY DAUGHTER, and I will take her home." Ana's mom's words cut like knives. But I made a promise. And even if I'm the only one who heard it I'm not breaking it. I'm about to say something when Ana starts talking. 

"W-why am I like this? What's happening to me?" Her voice is coming out between sobs. "I just want to go home. I just want to see Flynn." I almost drop her at that statement. A warm feeling starts in my chest, and I resist the urge to smile. Ana keeps on mumbling something but it's unintelligible. 

Her mother grunts and turns around. "Just take her. Tell her I'll be waiting at home." With that Mrs. Evil Mom leaves the library. A sigh leaves my lips. I lay Anastasia down on the couch from before and sit on the floor in front of the couch. 

"I want to go home too, Ana... I'm just not sure where home is anymore." 

"Neither do I." I turn my head and see Anastasia looking at me. Her eyes are open and she's smiling. 

"Ack! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that!" I can feel my face heat up as she giggles. 

"It's okay. I shouldn't be throwing you into my personal life." She sits up, and I sit on the couch beside her. 

"I want to know what's happening to you. Ana, I promise I will not let anyone hurt you EVER again" I grab her hands and look at her. 

... Why isn't she saying anything? Did I do something wrong? 

"I can't let you promise that Flynn. I can't let you get hurt because of me." She stands and it's obvious she's holding in tears. 

"Ana... I can't let you get hurt..." My head drops. When I lift it to say something Ana is gone. Curling up on the couch I start to cry. My second class starts soon. But I can't pull myself off of the couch. I push everyone away. I deserve this, all of it.

If I didn't exist Mom would still be around. 

If I disappeared Gram's would be safe. 

If I died Ana wouldn't have to worry about me. 

Maybe I should just disappear... Maybe I should give up. No one would notice... no one wants me around anyway.

Anastasia 

I can't do this anymore... I don't want to do this anymore. No one should be willing to get hurt to save me. I'm not worth that. All I am is a pawn in a game I have no choice in playing. Flynn was right. I don't know where home is anymore. Maybe I don't have one. 

I want a home though. I want a place I can feel safe. A place that I can be myself. I place where no one can judge me, or tell me what to be.

I'm sitting with my back against the back of the school. The wind blowing my hair in front of my face. I know someone I standing above me. I know who is standing above me. But I can't bring myself to look up. I just want to disappear. 

"Anastaisa. You will NEVER see that boy again." I'm being picked up and dragged along the pavement. I can't bring myself to care though. 

...

Maybe it's a good thing if Flynn never sees me again. Then he can't hurt himself because of me.

I'm thrown into a room when Father drags me into the house. I know this room. As soon as the sun comes up I am going to be in agony. I don't care though. Maybe this time the sun will end my misery. Maybe the Sun will have pity on my poor soul. 

...

Maybe my home is somewhere after death.

Authors Notes 

That got heavy... I did put a warning at the beginning of the Chapter/Episode. What do I call these? Anyway, as a side note. If you are dealing with Suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone. Even if you think no one cares, there is someone who does. Even if you haven't met them yet. 

Yes, this is a day early. I have a ton of appointments tomorrow so I'm not gonna get time to post. (Or ill forget TwT)  But it's late! So I'm counting it as on time.

Sorry for the heavy Episode, I'll see you all next week! 

-JustTheUglyPotato