Therapy for you, my views on psychology

A bit about me and phobias

Pistanthrophobia, athazagoraphobia. Two extremely long words for such a simple fear. We all have our own fears, almost all of us have fears we deem stupid and unreasonable, we think fears are what make man kind weak and fragile. However i can't help but think the opposite, many people deny fear, others are too scared to admit it.

Pistanthrophobia is actually fairly common. If you (as many of you will have) had a bad or traumatic experience, it can make you fear talking to people. That's as simple as that phobia can get. Scared to open up to people.
Many people fear seeking help because of their pride and experiences, you know what i say to that? Go to hell. Other than embarrassment, what is stopping you?

Now I know it's hard to listen to people you think know nothing about what you're going through so how about I tell you a little something about me...
When I was very young my brother had told me that my uncle had been touching him up and told me not to tell anyone about it. Now when I saw young I mean 5, maybe 6. So i didn't know what i did was right or wrong, but i never told anyone, not even my parents about what happened. My parents were divorced and i had been bullied for all my life, i felt uncomfortable almost the whole time i was in primary school. However I forgot about what happened to my brother. I felt angry all the time but pretended I was happy, no one saw past my smile, no one saw me grit my teeth to hold back me lashing out at my fake friends. Coming home to my dog is what made me the happiest, I'd fall asleep in her bed cuddling her, all my fears washed away. But it wasn't just my dog I'd come home to, my brother would beat me from all the anger he got from my uncle and school and would lash out on me. My family favored my brother and I was pretty much alone. My father was pretty angry often and sometimes took it out on me, he drank and got manipulative.

As i was leaving primary my dog had passed and i was left alone, no one knew about what happened between my uncle and brother and life went on, i went into highschool and became quiet and lonely, bullying often got bad enough i would sit in bathroom stalls cutting myself crying. Someone I talked to made me and another of their friends hate each other and spread lies about us behind our backs. However we talked and became pretty good friends after. My ex from primary school had came to my highschool and made my life hell, and yet I decided to stay friends with him anyway because I felt he needed it. He would always guilt me and threaten taking his life and somehow blame it on me. I got bullied some more, blah blah blah it's year 10. My best friend and this ex had gotten together on the day they met, he even broke up with his current girlfriend to be with her. I immediately knew something would go wrong. So many alarms went off in my head telling me to stop this as quickly as I could. I had told her " I don't like him, trust me he isn't right for you, he's a man whore, he will hurt you." Ofcourse she didn't listen and told him what I had said and they both turned on me as well as turning all of the school against me. I would always think 'how is this fair, i tried to help her' and yet i'm the one who ended up apologising, we went over to her boyfriend and stayed together. When we hung out after school he would grope and sexually harrass me without consent infront of her and he also raped her, pressured her into sex for his own will. Blah blah blah things happen and my 20 year old brother at that point gets very excitable so when i would tell my therapist about this she would never listen and kept butting in saying how she "thinks it's a good thing" then after our session saying she thought i was 'fine' and didn't really need help.

That's all you really need to know about me for now, i'd love to write more if this gets a lot of good feedback but yeah let's get back on topic. I know what it's like being unheard so many times. But I think fear can be good, sometimes it's what makes us think again before making a really bad decision. But stopping doing something just because we are afraid can only negatively affect us.