Sex, God and Rain

watching dragonflies...

i love watching dragonflies

soar on the wind,

but then again,

i pry them from the grill of my car

in the end.

just like,

i love planting tulips in the spring,

but never think of the plucking

that winter will bring.

we all live and die.

it's always the same damn thing.

Sometimes, while lost in the dizzying heartbreak of that time, I would feel the need to escape the murky confines of the old house. For some reason, I remember one starry night that I had wandered drunkenly down to the pond, dragging along a cooler of beer and tattered lawn chair.

I sat a few feet from the darkening surface of the pond in a small clump of weeds. Evening was rushing in on a cool wind and soft colors danced on the water's skin. The beer was cold and my mind was filled with the hum of late summer locusts screaming from the distant trees. 

I sat there quietly, lost in the moment of things. In the simple wonder of it all. Even then, there were brief moments when the world was beautiful enough to make me forget about her. At least for a moment or two. 

As I drank my beer, I marveled at the sun as it sank slowly into dark ribbons of color. Lower and lower it fell, until it was merely a line of light on a black  horizon.

And then, it was like god splashed white paint across the canvas of sky with a giant paintbrush, dotting the darkness with glowing embers of light. They burned above me, a billion miles away but still good company on a lonely evening.

today,

i decided to be alive.

and that's something,

because

even the sun can do nothing,

but slowly die.

Like I said, it's funny that I remember that night, after all these years. Just sitting there in the dark with the stars, getting drunker and drunker until it was almost morning. I don't really recall my thoughts. If I had any. I mostly just floated through that long lost evening like my old friends, the stars. And you don't really have to think about a thing like that. 

hold on to these moments,

no matter how small.

hold on to them like they're everything.

because they are.