Devil's Entourage [The Devil's Series #1]

Jay

“The guitarist? Really?”
“Why not? He’s bloody hot! Besides, have you read that blog about him? He must be an incredible lover!”
“The singer’s a way better catch, in my opinion, I surely wouldn’t say no to him! His hair and his voice and damn, have you seen his sad puppy dog eyes? Oh, dear God, I’m getting butterflies just thinking about them!”
“You’ve always had a thing for dark-haired guys, hun, although yeah, that Nate Fox is one delicious piece of a man.”
The annoying conversation between the waitresses goes on and on. Which member of Devil’s Entourage is the best lover, who’s the hottest, who would they sleep with if they got the chance, how do they manage to get into the boys’ pants?
I’m silently sitting across from them, ignoring the trash talk while I’m waiting for Ryan’s shift to be over so we can go home. Or at least I’m attempting to ignore them, but it’s hard.
It’s so fucking hard when every time Nate’s name comes up, my heart bleeds and my eyes burn with unshed tears. At least I don’t let the tears out now. Here. Although I suppose no one would notice if I did cry, no one ever really notices me anyway.
Not at work, not out of work. Night after night, I’m right there, on stage, singing song after song for the members of this nightclub, yet no one ever acknowledges me being there at all. But I’m fine with it, being unnoticeable turned out to have its perks as well. Not being found, for example. Especially not by him.
“Delicious piece of a man for sure,” Janet sighs so loudly that it’s impossible to overhear. “But he’s in a serious relationship with Amy Ronalds, there’s no way any of us could compare to her.”
Letting out a soundless groan, I roll my eyes at her words. These bitches don’t know anything. They’ve got no idea who the boys truly are. All they know is what those damn gossip sites and trashy magazines write about them. Which is nothing but bullshit!
Nate and that rapper Amy Ronalds, that’s the silliest rumour I’ve ever heard! That woman’s got fake boobs pumped up so much that they always threaten to pop out of her neckline, fake lips with so much lipgloss on that I expect to find a fly sticking to it whenever I see a picture of her and plastic eyelashes reaching the roots of her peroxide blonde hair! Nate would rather live as a celibate than touch a girl as fake as her.
“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” Janet’s taunting voice rips through my thoughts and I see her shadow on the floor become larger as she walks up to me. Immediately, my heartbeat gets faster, my lungs constricting and refusing to let any more oxygen in. This girl is at least a head taller than me, her shoulders broad from several hours spent in the gym. She’s one of these people you don’t want to mess with.
Pulling my knees up to my body, I press my back against the wall behind me, trying to get as much distance as possible between us. I don’t trust her, not the slightest bit.
“You think you’re so much better than us, don’t you?” Janet huffs, her threatening presence lingering above me. “Just because we’re only here to wait tables and you get to be on stage? You think a freak like you-”
“Hey, is there a problem here?” Ryan comes to my rescue, his voice so full of warning makes Janet back away from me immediately. In relief, I take a deep breath as I push back the tears threatening to spill. It’s always the same. They either ignore me or they give me shit because I was hired to play the piano instead of waiting tables. I don’t get their jealousy, though. They at least get tips while I don’t even get applause.
“The only problem here is that the freak believes she’s better than us because she’s here to provide entertainment, not to serve drinks,” Janet defends herself.
If Mickey was here right now, I bet he’d tell her that I indeed was better than them. Whereas Nate… Back in the day, he probably would have wrapped his hand around my wrist to stop me from tearing these bitches apart myself. But now?
I honestly have no idea what he’d do, I don’t think we’d ever been in a situation where I wasn’t able to defend myself. Or anyone else, for that matter. But I’ve changed. I guess he’s changed too. He’s a celebrated star now, I’m a nobody. So maybe I don’t know what he’d do in a situation like this, but I know one thing for sure. I’ll never find out.
“I don’t care what reasons you believe you had-” Ryan snarls as he steps between me and my coworkers to hover over me as the protective hero he is- “I already told you to leave her alone twice, Janet, and I won’t say it again!”
“She’s the one who rolled her eyes at me! And ignoring us all the time isn’t exactly polite either, you know?”
I know I’m not polite. I’ve never been. I never had a thing for manners, or appropriate behaviour, or false friendliness. And these bitches should better be grateful for the fact that I’m not the person I once was. If they had faced my old self, they would’ve already taken flight once I was done telling them my opinion on their disgusting way of talking about my boys. Like they were nothing but worthless pieces of meat.
‘Sad puppy dog eyes’, my ass! Nate doesn’t have sad eyes, he’s got beautiful caramel brown eyes. Eyes full of warmth and love. Caring eyes, not sad eyes. His eyes are everything and if there was still a part of myself inside of me, I would have fucking scratched Janet’s out for speaking about him like that. Good for her, though, that part of me is dead.
“Are you ready to go?” Ryan’s voice brings me back to reality and I give him a quick nod, getting up and following him out of the staff room.
With his protective, large figure hovering over me so close that no one can get anywhere near me, he walks me out to the car park outside of the club. His car is parked first in line and he stays right by my side until I’m seated at the passenger’s side with the door closed before he walks over to the driver’s side.
The second he starts the ignition, the radio goes on, playing the newest hit of Devil’s Entourage and making my heart hurt again. I love listening to their music, but I prefer doing it in my room. Alone. Where I can cry in peace. When the tears well up in my eyes now, I quickly wipe them away and lean my forehead against the window. In silent understanding, Ryan changes the radio channel, knowing how their songs make me feel.
They’re here tonight. In Manchester. Ryan had asked me if I wanted to get tickets, but I said ‘no’. I didn’t want to go. I can’t imagine a bigger horror than to be standing in the crowd, strangers pushing against me, cornering me, shoving me against others. I’d die of a heart attack within ten seconds.
This is only one reason, though. The other one is that I don’t want Nate to see me. I don’t want him to find me and I don’t want to find him.
“Where are we?” I ask Ryan once the car stops and I notice we aren’t at home. We’re on some deserted road beside a large backyard. I’m sure I used to stroll around here, but I can’t recall where exactly this is. And I certainly cannot recall what we’re supposed to be doing here.
Ryan points to his left and when I follow the direction, I see a metal fence pulled up in front of a door. A man leans against the wall beside it, having a smoke all by himself.
“That’s Giuseppe, an old mate of mine. We worked together a couple of times, at different events and festivals. All I need is five minutes with him and you could be backstage, or he could deliver a message to your boy. Your choice, Jay, your Nate could be out here in only a few minutes!”
So that’s where we are. At the venue Devils managed to sell out tonight! My boys, I’m so proud of them.
I’d love to go in there, to talk to them all. To talk to Nate, to hug him, and feel the only thing I can imagine to make me feel better again. His arms wrapped around me and the warmth and protection they used to give me.
It’s been so long since I last felt any of that. Almost two years ago, on that rooftop with him. When we’d said goodbye to each other, when he’d wrapped his arms around me so tightly as if he never wanted to let go again. I didn’t want him to either. But he did. And I left, not knowing that it was the exact moment my entire fucking life would start falling apart.
Nate would see the truth right away. He’d see how I’ve changed, that I’ve been through worse times than I could have ever imagined going through. He’d ask questions. Maybe he’d feel sorry. But he wouldn’t love me anymore. All those things he loved about me are gone. Meeting him would only prove that, but I don’t want proof. I’d rather keep a little flicker of hope inside my heart than extinguish it and face a life without him. Without any hope of ‘us’ in the future that keeps me going whenever I’m about to give up again.
“I can’t,” I whisper, not averting my gaze from the door I wish I could just go through. But I can’t.
“Of course you can,” Ryan disagrees right away. “I’ll be there with you, nothing’s going to happen to you. I promise!”
“He won’t love me anymore. It’s better to just leave it at that.” My voice is barely audible as I say these words. Ryan can’t understand my reasons, he doesn’t know who I was. He doesn’t know the memory Nate’s got of me.
“If he ever truly loved you, he will. Trust me, I know a few things about love. He’ll be thrilled to see you and so will your other mates! Come on, let’s talk to Giuseppe!” Without waiting for my answer, Ryan gets out of the car and walks around the front to open the door for me as well. Sighing, I give up arguing and get out, but before we can go anywhere, his phone rings.
“Blimey, that’s Colin. Just go talk to him, I’ll be there in a second!” He curses quietly and disappears back into the car, leaving me alone on this lonely street in the middle of the night.
Cool air crawls under my skin right away, making me shiver as my eyes scan my surroundings, in search of him. Of the person, I don’t ever want to see again. Of the monster that ripped my soul out of me and turned me into this lifeless zombie that I’ve become. But the only people out here are me and that bouncer. And right there, behind that door in front of me, there’s Nate!
My heart is beating hard against my chest as I take a few shaky steps towards the fence. The wind blows through my hair, rustling in the bush behind me making me turn back, but no one’s coming out. And yet I’ve got this terrible feeling of being watched. A feeling that makes my stomach cramp with anxiety. My knees feel weak as I lay my hands down on the fence, at the same time that the bouncer looks at me.
For a moment, our eyes connect. His face is full of scars and one part of a tattoo shows on his neck. As his stare locks on me, he takes his cigarette out of his mouth and takes a step forward, squinting his eyes as if he wanted to see me better.
He looks grim like that, brutal even. And I don’t care whether he’s friends with Ryan or not, I can’t bear the way he’s looking at me. The cold creeps into my veins, freezing me in fear for a second, while my breathing quickens under his intimidating glare.
“Hey, Girl, what’s your name?” He shouts at me, his voice deep and raspy. He’s got a terrible curiosity in it like he had some weird interest in me. In my experience, that’s no good! Not good at all.
The last time a man looked at me like that and spoke to me in a tone of such interest, I could thank all Gods in heaven that he got dragged away from me before it was too late.
The memory of his hands on me sends ice-cold shivers over my body and tears into my eyes. Without wasting only another second, I run back to Ryan’s car and get in, pressing my hand to my mouth to stifle the sob that threatens to break out of me. I don’t want to continue thinking about that day and especially not about any nights that followed after it. And I never want to speak about them either.
“What happened? What’s wrong?” Ryan asks me, his voice full of concern when he sees the tears that I can’t hold back anymore running down my face.
“Go. Just go!” I choke out, desperation hitting me like a fucking wrecking ball right into the heart. It’s still racing in my chest, pumping panic into every cell of my body, but it also gives me the clarity I needed.
Ryans wrong. There’s no way anyone could love me anymore. This pathetic coward who can’t say ‘hello’ to a stranger without a panic attack. This nobody. This nothingness I’ve become.
Especially not Nate.