Devil's Entourage [The Devil's Series #1]

Nate

Tired, drenched, and slightly annoyed, I return to the hotel in the evening.
My feet hurt from hours of walking, my back is aching and my head pounding!
After taking off my boots and wet clothes, I collapse onto my bed right away, barely summoning enough energy to plug the charger into my phone. Pulling the duvet up to my chin to get comfortable, I reach for the remote to turn the TV on.
One day wasted without finding her has abated my hopes. But I refuse to lose faith. I’m incapable of doing it. I can’t go home without her now that I’ve made the decision to find her.
In an attempt to distract me from my frustration, I zap through the channels on TV, eventually settling for some sitcom. I’m tired. Really fucking tired. So tired, I give in to my exhaustion and close my eyes. But I barely get a second of rest before the ringtone of my phone brings me back again. Lizzy’s name flashes over the screen, painfully reminding me of a tiny thing I forgot to do today.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I sigh into my phone as I answer the call.
“Oh, so you do remember me?” I hear her irritated voice on the other side of the line. “Lizzy, your little sister? The one who was sitting for a good hour in front of the airport today, waiting for her twat of a brother to show up because he’d asked her to pick him up?”
“Now that you mention it, I might have said something like that,” I attempt to ease the tension with a joke, but her huff tells me I failed. “I’m so sorry, Liz, I completely forgot to tell you that I was going to stay for a few more days! But I’ve got a good reason for it, I promise!”
“Please, do enlighten me!” She responds sarcastically. She must have learned that from Jay. Before her, she was certainly not the sarcastic one.
“Jay was at our concert last night and-”
“Are you serious?” Her tone instantly softens at the mention of her former best friend, her voice full of surprise and hope.
“Yeah, seriously. And since she’s still here and I’m too, I had Holly cancel my flight so I can stay and find her.”
“I guess that explains that post on Instagram. Has anyone come forward yet?”
“Nope, sorry, only rubbish so far.”
I just don’t understand it. How can no one know her? Or how can it be that no one who knows her follows me?
It doesn’t make sense. She used to tell everyone about the band, to check us out, to follow us on social media. So how come no one who knows her does?
For another few minutes, I update Liz on everything that’s happened and we spend some time talking about other ideas in case looking around for Jay doesn’t work out. By the time we’re done, I’m so damn tired, I could fall asleep standing up.
Snuggling under the covers, I close my eyes again and let my mind take me away. What would it feel like to find Jay? How would she react? Would she be happy? What would our life together look like?
Blissful, I’m sure of that. Jay never fails to make me happy. With her big mouth, so unabashed of her words, so kind and protective of those she loves. Always standing up for me, never allowing anyone to hurt me or my feelings. Just like she’d done before that first time I’d wanted to kiss her. To really kiss her.
We’d run into ‘Curlyhead’ that night, that’s how Jay used to call the girl whom I’d lost my virginity to. And got laughed at right after for my embarrassing lack of endurance that first time I’d had sex. It’s a story only Jay knows, up to this day.
That night, about two months after my awful first time, we’d played a gig at a pub in Guildford. Coming off the stage, I was so excited about the reaction we’d gotten from the crowd, I didn’t notice Nataly sitting in a corner across the room. But Jay did. Before I knew what was happening, she was already on her way over and I immediately hurried after her to stop her, knowing how protective she could get over me.
So there I was, standing behind her, listening to her telling Nataly what a heartless, stupid bitch she was and praising me in all possible ways at the same time. My hand was on her waist, silently begging for her comfort, and she gave it to me without hesitation, stepping in front of me to shield me from the mean words that were sent our way.
‘I’m so hot your little boyfriend over there basically came by looking at me,’ those words stung the most. It wasn’t true either, we’d had sex, even if not for long. Still, up until this day, it’s a memory I’d rather forget entirely.
But the memory of Jay’s retaliation is one I love to remember.
“Oh girl, you don’t know what you’re missing out on,” she snarled, stepping in front of me as if her small frame could somehow hide me. Her hand engulfed mine on her waist, giving it a comforting squeeze that succeeded to make my heart feel a little lighter.
“Trust me, the day will come when you’ll badly regret these two encounters and that you didn’t use your chance with Nate when you had one,” she continued. “Have you seen their gig earlier? These boys are going places, and one day, girls all over the world will die for a chance to meet my ‘little boyfriend’. They’ll be screaming his name, hoping to get his attention for one second! You might even be one of them, falsely believing your outward beauty could make him look twice at you and grant you a second chance, but you know what? The only person he’ll care about screaming his name then is me! In bed with him, when he makes me come again and again.
“Too bad that you’ll never know how fucking good he actually is at pleasuring a girl when he doesn’t simply want to use her for a quick release. Too bad you might never discover that side of sex with any guy because bitches like you are always available and don’t need to be pleasured to be shagged over and over again.
“Have a happy life in solitude, love, I hope you’ll discover your heart someday and find out what you’ve been missing out on thanks to your arrogance!”
Back then, it was nothing but a speech to get back at the girl who’d hurt my ego. Today, I’ve got to admit it’s the truth. Girls are screaming my name now. But, as good as it feels to be cheered on like that, it’ll never compare to the screams and moans I used to hear from Jay in those precious nights we’d spent together.
But that night at the pub was before anything between Jay and I happened. What she said about us having sex, it automatically had pictures popping up in my head. Thoughts, maybe even wishes, I hadn’t wanted back then.
We’d gone outside to a playground around the corner when Jay just had to bring the topic of us having sex up again.
“Nate? Are you still with me?” Her voice brought me back to the conversation we had, her eyes not fixed on the starry night sky any longer, but on me instead.
“I’m sorry, I was in thought. What did you say?”
“I asked you if it’s a we’re-friends-thing or whether the thought of me is actually that disgusting it’d torment one?”
“Certainly a we’re-friends-thing. You’re actually quite beautiful, Shorty, I didn’t mean it the way it came out. But still, let’s not speak about it anymore.” Smiling, I brushed a strand of hair out of her face, but when I wanted to let go of her again, her hand lay down on mine, holding it in place on her cheek.
“You think I’m beautiful?” She asked, and there was something sparkling in her eyes as she looked at me, her lips slightly parted. These lips, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from them.
Everything inside of me danced around as I stared at them, my heart fluttering, my stomach churning, my heart screaming for me to get closer to her. I felt weird and wobbly, a real, heavy tingle building in my stomach, growing with every second I was looking at her, being so close to her and yet not close enough. I wanted to kiss her.
And God, do I wish I had done that! I wish I could go back and let myself know it’d be alright. That Jay wanted me to kiss her, that those feelings I suddenly had were real and reciprocated. That I wouldn’t lose my best friend by admitting to my love for her but get a beautiful and loyal girlfriend instead.
All I’d felt that night, though, was a twinge of panic because all of a sudden, I wanted to kiss the person I knew I couldn’t survive losing.
I was scared. After years of being told by way too many people what a worthless person I was, after being laughed at by the girl I had lost my virginity to, I’d become too insecure to believe that a girl as wonderful as Jay could possibly have any interest in me.
So, I didn’t kiss her. On the contrary, I ran away and tried to suppress my erupting feelings for her by dating the first girl I came across. Literally.
I’d bumped into Laura in front of the entrance to the pub on my way back in, and shortly after, I was already caught in this relationship that had ended up crushing the last bit of self-esteem I had left inside of me. It ended when she kissed Mickey a few months later!
‘You’re a nice guy, Nate. I like you, really. But when I met Mickey… He’s so incredibly hot, you know? It’s like… I don’t know, like you’re a warm bath in a bathtub in my house at home and he’s a bubbly whirlpool on a beach in Hawaii or something,’ those were the words she said when she broke up with me. She couldn’t even give me that much satisfaction. She didn’t even let me end our relationship after she had betrayed me!
I was hurt. My self-esteem was crushed. Everything that had happened, years of being bullied, that terrible experience with Nataly, my first girlfriend breaking up with me because of her feelings for Mickey, it all shattered my confidence to the point of non-existence. I’d given up hope on a future with Jay before I even tried talking to her about my feelings. Instead, I decided that my fate was to live a loveless life of solitude from that day on.
I should have told her. Instead of being blinded by my demolished confidence, I should have been honest. I shouldn’t have kept my feelings inside until it was almost too late for us. All of that, starting from my first time with Nataly, over the secrecy and lies I’d told to hide my romantic feelings for Jay, up to the last conversation I had with her, they’re just a few of the points on my long list of regrets.
Regrets that still keep running through my head. Tonight, they make me toss and turn and prevent any sleep from coming over me despite the great amount of exhaustion I’m feeling. I wish for nothing more than to find her, and if it’s only so I can tell her how sorry I am for being the greatest idiot who’s ever been born. Maybe I don’t deserve her love anymore, maybe I ruined any chance of romance for good, but I at least want to make it up to her as her friend.
After half an hour of failed attempts to fall asleep, I give up. It’s no use, sleep just won’t come. So, instead of trying to force it any longer, I grab my phone and unlock the screen.
The first thing I see is another notification from Instagram, a private message. And even though I’ve read hundreds of them today without getting anything remotely helpful, I still feel a slight excitement tingling in my stomach as I open it.
A slight excitement that grows into a bloody explosion of all emotions possible when my eyes run over the words sent to me by ‘RySin88‘.
Jay's address is 90 Cunnery Rd, Manchester. She's at home tonight. - R. Sinclair