Lovers In Bodie✔️

1

I am sitting in the front porch of our house watching my grandchildren cuddling with our pet dog Bravo. Yes, I have grandchildren, some would say that grandchildren bring joy to your life, but in my case I don't know. They give me joy somehow but sometimes I wonder why did I marry my wife, got children and now these two little angels.

I am gay.

And right now I have these sweet and adorable grandchildren. Yet my soul is not filled with happiness. There's something lacking.

I do not need a wife, I need him.

And now there's something creeping in my body. Is this regret? I am 50 years old and of sound mind and is hoping that I was back to being young. Hoping that I had the courage to come out. If I could meddle the time, I would tell all the things that needed to be told. Tell everyone in Bodie how I was so gay for him. But it's funny and weird because I did marry a woman. This has been the most foolish decision I have ever made. There isn't a day that I would not think of him. He is the first and the last thought of the day.

Maribeth my wife, was a lovely woman. I gave her everything when she was still alive, houses,cars, jewelries, vacations but one, LOVE. I could not give her love. We often had fights with this, in various occasions of our marriage.

" Do you really love me? " she had inquired about this many times.

And I would go for a short reply.

" Yes, I love you. "

But those weren't for her actually. When I uttered those, my mind drifted back to Bodie. Hoping that somehow, he could hear me, so that he would know my reply when he asked that question before, but was cut off by my father. I hadn't said the word. I was hauled and dragged from him by my father after he had received a nice blow from his fist.

The sky turns gray, it has drizzled for a moment and the petrichor wafts in the air, only to give me a sense of nostalgia. Now, I am succumbed to the memory of him, of our closeted love story in Bodie. Now I see him, smiling and his eyes are glowing. He's so young and so in love. I am back in Bodie and it's May 17, where homosexuality was a work of demon. Everyone who turned out to be homosexuals were being discriminated. As if they weren't humans. Being homosexual means having a contagious disease. A plague.

But in those times where people believed and adhered to their religious belief that Adam was for Eve, there were two people who had shared the same feeling towards each other. They were both men. They clung into the small space of their closets and there began their love story.

I met John Wyatt at my father's saloon in Bodie.

I wasn't gay at first.

No, it's not possible to be not gay at first rather I was in denial. I had to believe that I was a real man. I could not bear the whip of my father's belt and the look of disgust in his eyes if he found out.

But by the time John Wyatt set foot in our saloon, the subtle feeling turned palpable. And I knew it since then that I liked men.

I was attracted to him the first time I laid my eyes on him. I could just make out the clothes he was wearing when we first met. He wore flannel shirt, ripped faded jeans and  black boots.

He had an athletic body, sturdy yet sexy. My gayness heightened when he spoke to me to ask the best booze in our Saloon. I had melted by just hearing his voice , so low and manly. After giving him what he wanted he gave me a few bucks then found a seat. I could not take my eyes off of him. My eyes were glued until such time a voice interrupted me, it was from my father's.

" Who are you looking at?" he said in his authoritative voice.

" No , I was just lost in a deep thought. " came my reply.

He looked where I was looking at and grinned.

" Have you met my new friend? "

" Friend?" I asked.

" Hey John, come my boy. I would like you to meet my son. " He hollered.

So John's his name, I thought. John walked briskly.

" Good day, Mr. Filtwick. " He said politely.

" Oh , just call me Peter, my boy. And this is my son Ricky. "

" Oh, pleased to meet you. I met him earlier. By the way, you two have identical eyes. "

I shook hands with John Wyatt. I ran out of words to say, the fact that he was so close to me that I could smell his perfume and his breath smelled peppermint. If anything I was intoxicated. Stunned then speechless. Touching his hand was also a contributing factor. Father noticed something odd in my behavior and I instantly recomposed myself.

" Oh yeahh, I have my father's eyes. " I managed to reply.

" By the way Ricky, John Wyatt here will be our tenant. He will occupy the room next to yours. He will be staying here for a month or two to tend their mining business. "

" Not long until my uncle find his way here, he is still traveling. Africa. "

I had yet to process all these information in my mind. By the time I had heard it that he was staying at our house I felt nervous. My heart skipped a beat and realization had hit me hard that maybe I was just excited with the idea that we would be in the same roof. That way I would have the chance to know him more.