Skins

2

I flop down on my bed, feeling tired from all the unpacking that I had just done. I'm glad that I did everything now because I knew that if I didn't, the procrastination would've set in, and two months later, my things will still be in boxes begging to see the light of day.

I look around at my decorations. It wasn't much at all. Simple, colorful Polaroid pictures of my family and friends along with a Vampire Diaries poster decorates my walls. I also included LED Strip Lights, so that the room could represent whatever mood I was in. It would also come in handy whenever I have my many impromptu solo dance sessions because sometimes a girl just has to let loose by herself. I like to keep things minimal. Most of the things that I have are little touches that make the apartment feel "lived in" and relaxing. 

For me, my room is a temple and safe space. It is the place I escape to when I need to be by myself and with my own thoughts. In here, I don't have to worry about anyone judging me or disrupting my peace. I'm allowed to be my most raw and vulnerable self which is exactly what I am doing in this very moment as I let my mind wander to the place where I should never visit. It was far too painful, but here I was thinking about it... once again.

The boy that occupied that place in my mind was my first love; not only the first, but my only love. How can I forget him easily? It's never easy to forget about someone especially not someone that's been around for a long time. The more time spent with that person, the more memories that are made. With more memories, comes more pain because there is so much to reflect on. Thinking about the good times, even the bad times, I just dig myself into a deep emotional hole over and over again, but I truly cannot help it. 

Trenton, Trey for short, was my boyfriend since Freshman year. He was my first and only boyfriend. We experienced everything together. He was basically my first everything. At the time, I was more than willing and happily ready to give him all of me, because I truly believed that he was my person. I thought he was the one that I would grow old with until that day that changed everything.

I let out a dry laugh and shake my head as I try my hardest to stop the tears that threatened to break through my flood gates. I told myself that I would no longer shed any tears over our ended relationship, but thinking of that dreadful moment always sent a wave of emotions over me and then the flood would come. I won't let it though. Not this time.

Looking back, no one, including myself, would've guessed that our relationship would've ended the way it did because to them, we were the perfect couple. I mean, we were dating since freshman year and didn't have any major scandals. We did have our problems, but we made sure we kept them to ourselves. One thing we always agreed on was that our business was our business and no one else's. I liked to keep my private life private.

Like everyone else, I was completely enraptured by Trey's charm. From the moment I met him, he made me feel beautiful and special, and I drank it all up. No one had ever really gave me that type of attention before and I cannot lie, I loved it. It was as if he knew exactly what to say to make me smile, giggle, and if my skin tone was not dark, blush. He just had that effect on me. I opened up to him easier than I have ever done with anyone else before because he always made me feel like he understood me and even when he didn't, he would always listen. It was his ability to listen and communicate that mad me fall in love with him.

I feel a lump in my throat as a traitor tear rolls from my eyes to my chin. As I try to coerce myself into forgetting about the situation, a knock sounds at my door. I take a few deep breaths trying to let the lump pass as I wipe away any traces of the tear. 

With a small, forced smile, I say, "Come in."

*****

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