Collection of short stories

I want to be real

Mia's pov
Through my life I had wished for many things.
The toys that showed up in those ads.
To watch my favorite cartoons a little longer.
To do well at school.
To not go to school again.
To make friends at school.
To not attract unwelcomed attention.
To not get in trouble.
To not screw things up.
To become someone else.
The list is long and I could continue but it would be pointless.
"What are you thinking about?" The person I consider to be my best friend asked me while looking at me searching for the meaning behind the expression on my face.
"Stuff" I replied in a simple way.
With only one word. What else could I  have said? She doesn't need to know.
I don't plan to tell her.
About these unrequited feelings.
I will keep pretending.
I will be what I am required to be.
I will continue on living like this until the day I die.
And I wish it wasn't this way.
I am always wishing.
I am an illusion.
I am fake porcelain.
But I want to be real.
And I wish someone would give me a taste of the real me.
It's simple.
I want to be real with the one I love.
But what should I do if she doesn't want the real me?
What should I do if even my own parents who brought me in this world and raised me don't want the real me?
Where will I go from there?
My worst enemy is my own self.
I will have to cohabitate with him but I can't possibly put up with him.
I don't want to be shunned.
I want to belong where the ones I love are even if that place can't accommodate me.
It the price I have to pay is living a lie then it doesn't seem that bad.
If by chance they find out about the things I have been hiding I will have to flee.
Go to a far away place and start from scratch there.
Years of make believe wasted and the smoke covering me dispersed.
Just because of who I could have choose to be.
And I wonder if I will feel better.
I wonder if being freed from the shackles is better.
"Stop spacing out and let's go to the lecture" My best friend, Hannah said while urging me to go along.
And I always follow her around.
"Yes ma'am" I said despite not being asked for approval.
I want to follow her around while I still can.
I don't want her to abandon me.
But sometimes I try to convince myself that I am the one that will leave first.
As I passed by people in the hallway I saw Hannah's boyfriend.
He is everything I wished to become.
And I won't ever be.
And the thing I wanted the most was his status as her boyfriend.
Will Hannah kiss him after greeting him?
If I look at the side will it seem strange?
Will she suspect something?
I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to be here.
Even though I wish to be someone else I still want to be real.
Time passed slowly.
The pain however remained.
"Sorry I gotta go see ya later" she said her farewell. I didn't say anything.
"See ya-" I don't want to hear him speaking to her like her boyfriend.
I scurried away and we went on  separate ways.
The heartache of being by your loved one's side but with a different position is grand.
At this rate I might die inside.
I saw these people at the LGBT+ parade waving their flags high up in the sky and I cried.
I want to be real.