The Girl Who Looks Sad

The Girl

She is the Girl Who Looks Sad. But she isn't sad.

The Girl is average. She is an ordinary girl, nothing immediately special about her. She is plain, has a slightly brighter mind than average, and maybe a bit tall for her age. There is nothing that would set her apart from all the other teenagers in America. There is nothing about her that would make her feel sad. But sometimes she feels sad.

The Girl Who Looks Sad has a kind of stereotypical life. Her family loves her. She has kind friends that support her. People know who she is and they like her. The Girl gets good grades in school. Her teachers like having her in class. And if she knows that if she's trying her hardest, her parents will support her.

The Girl's parents are kind, loving, generous. They know that The Girl tries her hardest for them, and they watch out for her. They let her talk to them and they do their best to help their daughter sort out whatever petty issues are troubling her. And Their Daughter is grateful.
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The Girl Who Looks Sad isn't sad. Sometimes she feels sad, but it's not always there. She knows it is only human to feel sad, that she cannot help it. But she isn't sad. The Girl is mostly happy.

The Girl is a happy girl. She has a happy life. Yes there have been a few bumps, but that's only to be expected, right? The Girl has been a happy girl. Her friends make her smile and laugh. She can joke and mess around with them. She usually walks through the halls with kind words, and a smile is easy to form if it wasn't there before.
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Sometimes when she is home, that smile doesn't form so quick. She doesn't always have to smile at the house. And it feels nice to not always smile.

But sometimes she glances in the mirror and sees her face. There's nothing wrong with her face, in the Girl's opinion. Maybe a bit of acne, but that's usual. No, the Girl notices her expression.

In the mirror, the Girl Who Looks Sad sees her expression, and she notices things. The Girl sees the little frown on her lips, the very slight tilt of her eyebrows, barely noticeable to even herself. She sees her face, and then a heavy feeling drops down.

The feeling descends like a heavy velvet stage curtain. Sometimes it comes when the Girl sees her expression in the mirror. Other times, the Girl Who Looks Sad somehow dredges up an old, bad memory. And during those unhelpable Bad Days, those Murphy Days, Days Where Things Always Seem To Go Wrong or Rub You the Wrong Way, you bet the feeling is there.

She doesn't like feeling like this. The Girl is usually The Girl Who Feels Happy. She is usually happy. But then she goes home and she is The Girl Who Looks Sad. But the Girl isn't sad.

Besides, she knows she cannot feel sad. The Girl cannot afford to feel sad, doesn't want to feel sad. She knows what it looks like to feel sad; her sister felt sad before. The Girl's sister hurt herself, not badly, but still hurt herself because she felt sad all the time. In fact, the Girl is still scared that her sister is sad. Every day the Girl worries that her sister will start to hurt herself again.

Her sister. The Girl loves her sister. The Girl cannot be sad for her sister; her sister sometimes needs to lean on the Girl Who Looks Sad. That is why she cannot feel sad. Who will help her sad sister if the Girl is sad?

But sometimes it is hard not to feel sad. Sometimes the Girl feels overwhelmed. Not "drowning" overwhelmed, but "it's a little hard to breathe" overwhelmed.
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The Girl is a teenager. So now she is scared of all that she is now expected to do. Teenagers are expected to have fun, get a job, get a license and drive, have friends, be healthy and happy, get good grades and still have good relations. She only feels scared for all of that ahead.

And She realizes there are people smarter than her, who have better people skills, who can handle things a lot better than she can. While she respects that fact, and knows that it is only a fact of life, she can't help but be a bit....disappointed. Disappointed in herself. She wants to be like them, like those who don't blush beet-red as they try to make small-talk. She wants to be like those who go PSEO in high school. The Girl doesn't want to have tears threaten to make an entrance every time she's frustrated by something. But then she sighs and reminds herself that it's a fact of life.
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She hates when other people are sad. The Girl hates when people hurt others. Doesn't matter by words or by force, off-screen or on. She tries to comfort those who are hurting, to balance out those who were attacked by spite for no reason. She tries to defend those getting picked on. She does her best. Honestly, the Girl stretches her kindness paper-thin to reach as many souls as possible. But sometimes her best isn't enough, and The Girl knows that. She knows that sometimes you can't undo the damage that's been wrought. And it hurts her like it hurt the other people.
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The Girl Who Looks Sad says she can't act. She claims she is awful at it. But then she realizes that sometimes she has acted away her feelings, or something like that.....really, that is the best way she can put it in words.

She hates drawing attention to herself, hates being the center of attention. The Girl is modest. So she puts her feelings down into words, and hopes that She doesn't sound like some whiny spoiled girl who makes fusses at the littlest thing. God knows she doesn't have good people skills in the first place.

This is the Girl Who Looks Sad. But she isn't sad.

This is the Girl Who Feels Happy. But she's not always happy.

The Girl is many things. She is happy, sad, confused, hopeful, curious, fun, determined. But usually, she notes two emotions.

She notices she always worries. She notices when she is scared.

The Girl is lost. She doesn't know how she should feel.