As I wrapped up my letter of resignation I hovered over the send button.
What if I'm making a mistake? What if I'm being stupid? Am I a quitter?
I took a deep breath. And I pressed the save draft button.
If I was going to be doing this, I wanted to at least give some kind of heads up to Hyunjin. It would be wrong for me to just leave without at least a goodbye.
I told myself that, but I was probably just giving myself an excuse to let him change my mind.
I stood up and pulled on a hoodie and jeans.
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I walked out of my apartment building and began making my way to the boy's dorms.
Hyunjin told me where they were awhile ago, but I never thought I would have to walk there in the middle of the night.
The entire way there I felt conflicted. My mind was racing back and forth. Trying to piece together some kind of idea of what the hell I was going to say to him.
Good evening secret boyfriend. I know that it is currently 2 am, and you are most definitely asleep, but I just came here looking like a hot mess because I am a ball of insecurity and doubt and you don't have time for my problems. So I quit now. See you never! Have fun writing songs about my incredible insanity!
Is about what I guessed it would sound like.
Before I was ready to deliver my incredible speech, I reached the finish line.
Oh god, what am I doing?
I walked up to their front door, practically shaking.
This is dumb. I should go home. He's probably not even awake. I'm only going to bother him. I shouldn't have come here. This is dumb.
My entire body was in fight or flight. And my brain chose flight.
I turned to go back home in shame when I heard the door open slightly.
"I thought I heard some indecision out here." Chan's husky sleep-deprived voice whispered.
"Oh hi." I turned back to him with an awkward look on my face. Kind of like I was caught in the kitchen trying to finesse the last cookie.
He chuckled softly. "Here for Hyunjin?" He smiled.
"HOW DID YOU KNOW?" I whisper shouted.
"Well, he did spend quite a while in the practice room with you..." His smile widened.
"Oh..." I muttered. I knew we weren't being careful enough.
"And I see how you guys avoid eye-contact. And that one time he was spotted outside of an apartment building, it was probably yours. And when he was at the movies with Jeongin, which he never does-"
"I get it." I cut him off. I was starting to feel a little attacked. "I just came by to talk to him about something important, but if he isn't awake then no worries."
He laughed. "Well, lucky for you, he's still awake." Chan opened the door a little wider. Revealing Hyunjin standing in the living room behind Chan, looking directly at me.
