Doctor Satyromaniac

"Just a Phone Call Away"

The hot water slapped against her skin, almost washing away her sins, or so it felt that way. She had never felt so guilty after sleeping with someone, though she had only slept with one man before Aiden. Her hands slid the loofah down her body slowly, mind almost imagining his hands. When had wrong begun to feel right?

Her throat bobbed, swallowing the words that she wanted to speak out loud to the empty bathroom. She knew that this was wrong. No matter how good it felt, it was wrong. No matter how much her body told her she was right for initiating that sinful act in his car, her mind reminded her that it was wrong. Very wrong.

She closed her eyes, feeling goosebumps glide down her body when an image of Aiden's steady hands flashed across her mind; the way his lips—his tongue— had felt against her skin. Her skin tingled, which only caused her to scrub her skin harder, hoping that the feeling would disappear.

Quickly, she washed her body, and jumped out of the shower before she could let her thoughts wander any further than that. She dried off, and then dressed for work. She then rushed to the mirror to apply a little make-up to her face until she noticed the little purple mark on her neck.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she could hardly recognize the woman staring back at her. Her face was flushed, eyes heavy with arousal.

She applied foundation to the marks on her neck, blending it in with the rest of her skin. She had only thought about Aiden and the car incident for one second and she was already ready to run back for more. She refused to be the first to cave in again. Besides, it was only Monday, the beginning of a new week. She wished that she could say that it was refreshing, but how could she when all she could think about was her behavior lately?

First, she ran after a client who expressed how much he did not want to see her anymore. And then she purposely hurt him by using his weakness against him to make herself the stronger person in a situation. And God-forbid she ever forgot about their first time in bed together. A night that never should have happened, yet she felt...okay that it did.

She had promised herself to never do it again, so why did she do it again? Why did she initiate the sex in the car? And why did she enjoy it probably more than he had?

There were so many questions flying through her head, yet she already had the answer to all of them. She knew why she had sex with him, why she initiated the whole car incident, and why she enjoyed it. She almost felt proud of herself, thanks to her newfound confidence. But, no. She refused to revel in the wrong. Admitting that she liked it was bad enough. To feel proud of it was on another level of immorality.

She walked to the kitchen, fixing herself a cup of coffee. Once she finished, she sat at the table and began to drink it slowly. Was she such a bad person to take advantage of him the other night? Well, she had not thought of it as taking advantage of him, but the text that came afterwards made her feel like it.

She did not purposely have sex with him just so he would agree to the Friday night sessions. But when she received that text, it made her wonder if the thought of him agreeing was in the back of her mind while they were having sex.

She had sex with him for her own selfish reasons, not to make him say that he would think about the Friday night group sessions.

She reminded herself of this over and over again Saturday night, trying to convince herself that she would never manipulate a person like that. Never in her days had she ever manipulated a person like that, so why did that small voice keep trying to tell her that was the reason she did it?

She initiated the sex with him because she wanted to. She wanted to ease the tension between them before they called it a night. All they had to do was talk, she knew, but sex seemed to be the first thing she thought of.