Life's Never Simple • SIDEMEN

• ELEVEN •

Friday, 21st December

• Harry •

The last day of term before the Christmas holidays.

Two weeks of bliss, not having to worry about anything other than occasional revision, helping around the house, and going to work. I'll be able to relax, at home, keeping an eye on Rosie and Josh while my parents are at work. Which used to be more of a chore, but really now, all I have to do is check they haven't died every once in a while. They're old enough to not need constant attention.

Both of my parents have managed to get Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day off work this year. So three days, of time with all of my family together, spent relaxing, and just being together. Playing dumb board games, watching Christmas movies with the fire lit, and not getting out of our pyjamas unless we absolutely have to. Those three days are my idea of bliss.

And so is now, really. In a different way.

We're at Simon's, having the last, gathering before the Christmas Holidays officially start. All of us, just chilling together, huddled a little closer together than usual, because of the cold, and with the heaters turned up full blast.

But something's a little off.

Cal isn't here.

He didn't mention to me at all why he wasn't coming, which I find strange. Usually he'd make a point of telling me that he isn't coming, and his reasoning too. But he said nothing about it.

I didn't think him not being here would bother me as much as it does. But I miss his presence. I miss him sitting a little too close, and telling me stupid jokes just because he says he likes it when I laugh. I miss him smiling, just randomly, for no reason at all.

It feels wrong, not having him here.

"Hey, guys," I say suddenly, interrupting whatever conversation was happening around me. Everyone pauses, and turns to pay attention to me.

"Sup Bog?" Ethan responds.

"How come Cal isn't here?" I ask. Suddenly the air seems to get a little thicker. Josh shifts in his seat a little, seeming uncomfortable.

"We, decided it'd be nice to just be the seven of us this time, y'know?" JJ says, in an attempt to be tactful. Emphasis on attempt.

"No, I don't know," I say, coldly.

"Haz, really, he comes to everything else. It's fine," Simon reasons, but that just pisses me off more.

"You think not inviting one of our friends is fine?" I spit. "And not telling me about it? Seeing as this appears to be a pretty mutual decision, which I knew nothing about."

"We didn't tell you because we knew you'd react like this," Ethan says.

"Of course I'm going to react like this. It's fucking petty just not to invite Cal to something. Have you got a good reason not to?" I say, sending a glare around the circle.

"He's not a Sideman, Harry," Josh says quietly. Raw outrage surges around my body, and I clench my fists, digging my nails in tightly enough to leave deep welts in my palms afterwards.

"I don't care! It's not fair to exclude him. He'll think he did something wrong, or that he did something to annoy us. Some bullshit like that. I can't believe you lot," I growl.

"Harry, we didn't invite him one fucking time. You're acting like it's the end of the world. Get your shit together man," JJ says. I can tell he's getting irritated too now.

"You're all dickheads, you know that," I say, glaring accusingly at them. JJ bristles, and looks as if he's about to speak up again, but Vikk beats him to it.

"Guys, come on. Stop, before you say something you'll both regret. It's the last time we're seeing each other properly before Christmas," Vikk says firmly, holding his hands up. "Harry, man, I get you're upset, but you need to relax."

"I'm perfectly relaxed," I say through gritted teeth. Vikk gives me a skeptical look.

"Whatever. Come and walk with me for a minute, I want to talk to you," Vikk tells me, leaving no room for debate in his tone as he rises to his feet. I get up too, huffing loudly to let him know that I'm not happy about it. But I'm pretty sure he can already tell that.

Vikk leads me down Simon's huge garden, to the small, bench swing in the back corner, which is out of range for the others to hear our conversation. He sits down, and pats the spot next to him for me to do the same. I comply, feeling the bench move a little as my weight is added to it.

"Tell me what's going on," Vikk says sternly.

"Nothing's going on-"

"Bullshit. You wouldn't have got that wound up for no reason. What's going on with you and Cal?"

"Mate, I just think it's unreasonable not to invite Cal," I tell him. He just looks unconvinced.

"Harry, you wouldn't have put up that much of a fight for anyone else." I open my mouth to argue, but he holds up a hand to stop me. "I know you like to think you would have, but you're too laid back to try and argue usually. Do you, I dunno, like Cal or something?"

"I don't think so?" I say, and Vikk has all he needs just from that response.

"Right, that wasn't a definite no. Should I be worried? Should you be worried? You have a girlfriend after all," he reminds me, and I let out a sigh.

"I know. I don't think I like the guy. I mean, he's hot, I'm not gonna dispute that, but I don't think I actually fancy him," I say, but as the words come out of my mouth, I can feel self doubt knitting in my stomach. Do I like him? I never really thought about it before. Even if I do, it's probably nothing more than just a childish crush. Nothing significant.

And besides, Vikk is right. I've got Katie. There's no point in even thinking about feelings for someone else when I know for definite that I like her, and she likes me. And we're happy like this. Together.

But I can't help feeling a little unsettled, at the realisation that I might like Cal a little bit more than I probably should. He's gay, so I guess I could have a chance...

No.

I can't think like that.

"Alright Haz, I'll trust you on this. But whatever happens, please remember, I'm here if you need me," Vikk says, offering me a small smile.

• // •