A Song of Remembrance ( Redamancy Book 1: Under Reconstruction)

Chapter 4:

Light.

It was the last thing I'd seen before my world was overshadowed in darkness.

It hadn't taken long to find out that the fog left in its wake, would forever torment me despite my desperation for it to disappear. A truth that had been hard to swallow since my life hadn't always been this way.

...since I once believed I'd get better.

Only now, it seemed as if an eternity had passed since the days that life was simple. Times when I had more to go off of than the pictures that were only ghosts of the memories I was supposed to have.

Yes, those days were long gone now.

Replaced by moments spent obsessing over the "little things" more than the next person ever would. A limbo fueled by the fear that one day I would forget everything all over again. 

Now, my biggest worry was that this reality would forever hold me captive to a terror I just wanted to be free of.

"Okay, Rowan, that's the last box." The sound of the front door closing was followed by a soft thud, as I assumed the last of my things were being placed on the floor. 

Jumbled strands of coiled hair blurred my vision, as I whirled around facing the door. I had been entranced by the sound of whindchimes that instead of making me smile had plunged me back into the dark reality of the night before. I hadn't been able to go back to sleep last night and the ark bags underneath my eyes were the tell-tale sign.

Luckily the daunting task of moving and packing all of my things had kept my mom from noticing so far.

Shaking my head and realizing that I hadn't responded, I opened my mouth. "Thank goodness," I called with a laugh I hoped didn't sound too forced, as I swept my hair into my hands, and refastened the hair tie that had lost its grip on my unruly curls. "I was almost worried would never get all my stuff moved in time." I listened to the pitter-patter of nearing footsteps and looked around. 

Even though my thoughts had been preoccupied throughout the whole endeavor of moving, my words were true.

I had seemed to acquire a great deal of belongings throughout the past few years.

I took a deep breath, the smell of fresh paint was slightly dizzying, and somehow making the room feel bigger and emptier than it had before maintenance came in and spruced up the place. Although I knew that a few weeks of living would diminish the uncanny scent and give some life to the bland walls, I itched to light one of the herbal candles my mom had brought for me two days ago.

 Anything to make the place feel more like home.

Although I had been extremely eager to move my things in, just last week, now that the process had started, I was already starting to feel the emptiness lingering in the corners of the apartment. I just hoped that hanging up some decor would make things better.

I was doubtful though. I had a feeling that the same emptiness that remained at the family house would linger here too. An absence that would forever be unmendable.

It was one of the reasons why I knew I needed to leave. After twenty-two years of living with my mother, part of me felt as if I was abandoning her. But the other part knew that if I was ever going to truly move on, and work to cope with the way life was now, I needed a fresh start.

"You okay, honey?"

I glanced up, not having realized I had spaced out, just as my mom's figure crowded the doorway, a candescent smile being tossed my way. She stopped amidst the rays of light that shone through my window, the whisper of the setting sun brightening her eyes to a honeyed hue and painting her skin golden.