My suicide story

Chapter 1

My names Maddison and this is my story

It was my second year at high school when things went from bad to worse.

I had been hanging around this one group of people from the start,
Grace,Sarah,Olivia,Corey,channelle,graham,Samantha and a few more other people.
We were all getting along great.
Then all of a sudden I started hanging out with another group of people from another classes,some were from the same group as before.
There were 7 of us
Jacob,dina,Morgan,graham,tahneshia,josh and I
Jacob,Morgan,graham and I were all in year 9.
Dina,tahneshia and josh were in grade 8.
Graham and tahneshia were dating, then suddenly Jacob and I were dating.
It was alright at the start but then everyone started hating on each other.
Rumours spread and story's told that we all somehow heard of.
We all started to drift apart.
I stayed home one day because I was sick, I went back to school the next and everyone hated me.
People were calling me names like fat pig,ugly cow,they were also calling me worthless.
That same day my boyfriend broke up with me because he didn't want to be seen hanging out with me.

-------this went on for weeks-------

I started to hate going to school,.
Graham then started calling me WORTHLESS and telling me to KILL MYSELF.
And that also went on for days.
I stayed home for 4 weeks straight cause my sickness got worse(flu)

The day I went back was sports carnival day.
I walked in through the gates and I was already being hated on.
Graham's sister Samantha came up to me and called my a lier and said that graham would never say those things and she kept going on about how I was just making shit up to get attention.
And with that I turned around and walked straight home.

I had been thinking about suicide.

One day I got onto Facebook so I could tell my best friend Olivia why I haven't been at school,but then I noticed something.

I had 204 inboxes from everyone from school.
Some were from Jacob
Some from graham
And the rest from everyone else.
Graham's mum got on Graham's account and started abusing the shit out of me.
Saying "oh you really are worthless or nothing but a waste of space I feel so sorry for your family because they have to put up with you!".

At that point I grabbed my razor and I started cutting, I had tears in my eyes,.
(My family were in the kitchen playing games)
My wrists were bleeding,my tears were running down my face.

I walked out to the kitchen with tears in my eyes.
I walked up to mum and I apologised.
"What's wrong?...what did you do?!. She asked,all worried.
I showed her my arms and we went up to the hospital.

I knew from that day I was permanently damaged.

Mum took me to the doctors 1 week later, the doctor said most girls around my age just cut because everyone else is doing it And they also do it for attention.

I knew other wise.
My older brother keir started saying that everything that's happening to dad is my fault.and that I'm the cause for what's happening to my dad.(my dad has blood clots and he has to get his leg amputated. Every time I'm with him he ends up in hospital) and now I can't help but blame myself.....I still do blame myself....my dad and I are so close and ever since my brother said that I seem to distance myself from him so all these bad things don't happen.
And I'm scared that if I keep distancing myself from him then it's gonna be too late...and then I can never start doing things with him again(going for rides in the truck,going for rides on the motor bikes)

Mum started taking me to a psychologist, I'm too scared to tell her about my story.
She still doesn't know I cut.
She doesn't know I get bullied

The only people I can tell is YOU
I LOVE YOU AND STAY STRONG