Harmonize

Screen Time (6)

(Last part!)

Everything I Didn't Say - 5 Seconds of Summer

Shameless - Camila Cabello

MAYA POV

Thursday Morning

Conflicted.

That's all I felt right now.

Before turning in last night, Theo had removed every item he brought out of the room, taking his emotional presence with him.

As I got ready this morning and packed the rest of my belongings, he remained silent and distant. When we would accidentally cross paths, he'd immediately step aside to let me through and did his absolute best to avoid eye contact. 

Theo's logic behind his brutal actions had honestly convinced me that he was just as soulfully damaged as I had been. There were so many other, more efficient and safer, precautions that he could've taken. Ones that would've left my heart intact and flesh untarnished. The school would've instantly shut it down, the police could've warned them about the consequences of rape and harassment. I'm not sure what my parents would've done but I'm more than certain they would have figured something out. I'm their only child, they had to.

Hell, why couldn't Theo have protected me himself? All he had to do was accompany me to classes and home. It wouldn't have been inconvenient because he only lived a couple streets away.

Beating me was the last thing that could've saved me.

Sure, I would've preferred the boy I obsessed over to break me rather than some random boys but that's not the point. The fact that he chose to hurt me to fix a simple problem than protect me front on makes me feel like I have no value. He would've rather see me crumble by his own hand than warn me and find a solution. My worth must've been so low for that to be the best option in his mind.

However.

I have to consider his perspective too; he wasn't exactly in the right head space either.

Listening to him talk about his childhood during boarding school brought bile up my throat, I had to choke it down with the rest of my rambling thoughts.

I was up all night thinking about how petrified he probably was in such an unfamiliar and harsh environment. Walking into a place where the teachers treated you like filthy criminals would've scarred me for life, so I can't imagine how he would've felt, especially when your parents dismiss you like gum off their shoes.

The young, wistful boy had been forcibly thrown into a war zone at such an early age that it morphed him into something monstrous, presuming it's acceptable because of the normality in that hellhole.

As much as I ache for him, I can't just forgive and forget the constant torment and pain he put me through. An apology won't heal the scars, let alone mental trauma. It doesn't work like that.

What hit me hardest were the three little words that he muttered afterwards.

The desperation that practically swallowed his voice whole had my heart thumping out of my chest.

Well, what was left of my poor heart, that is.

Consuming such powerful words were too much for my temporarily dysfunctional mind, so my body had forced them out for the time being. However, once I had a chance to digest the true meaning, those three words crashed through headquarters and made destruction only Theo could create, leading to a very restless night.

(I'm sorry but I freaking love that paragraph sksksk)

Once our bags were fully packed, Theo had waltzed out without informing me where he was heading. I shouldn't be so paranoid but we'd spent the past three days attached to the hip so it was only natural to become anxious. Even though he wasn't obligated to tell me his every whereabouts, I'd still appreciate knowing if he'd be returning or if he would be safe.