soprano. crackship week 2020

01 | love talk

PROMPT 01 ; "YOU OCCUPY MY MIND CONSTANTLY."
tw -- mentions of alcohol, sex, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

the first time seokjin meet joohyun is when he's drunk.

he's an adult, he knows, and he shouldn't be abusing his liver like this, he knows that too, but alcohol makes him feel emotions in ways being sober just simply fails to. he has a nice job, a nice apartment, a really nice dog that loves him no matter what, and some nice friends he hangs out with time to time when their schedules match.

but he has a terrible mind.

it's horrible living alone with his depressing thoughts-- he's quite aware of the fact that he got a dog just to keep him company, but a dog isn't a friend he can tell his woes to and find support in verbal form; a dog is something that looks at him with big button eyes, wagging their tail, making his heart turn ten sizes bigger than its original size. but then again, his dangerously toxic thoughts like to play evil cupid and shoot it bleeding with a dozen of arrows.

seokjin recognises he's ignoring something important (his mental health), and he recognises that he's possibly not taking the right steps (going to a therapist), but he's also very good at turning off the sirens in his head that indicate that "hey, maybe not everything is okay" or "hey, maybe you should go seek help" because doing all of those things-- going to a therapist, explaining what's been bothering him, and actively seek to better himself mean that there's something wrong with him, and that can't be.

because kim seokjin is perfect to the bone, or at least that is what he has convinced himself.

so he doesn't do anything remotely healthy; he drinks, he parties, he fucks around with another nameless hot body that satisfies his needs for the night, and wakes up to an empty bed, or if he feels courteous that day, he leaves his hookup to suffer the same fate.

(he knows courteous doesn't mean leaving somebody alone in bed after you've had sex with them for one night but you know, he prefers to use his own definitions in life.)

+

"hyung," his younger brother, taehyung, tugs his sleeve as they stand still on the pavement, "do you think people only love once?"

certainly not a question a teenage seokjin would expect from his barely prepubescent brother.

"i..." seokjin doesn't really know how to answer. a faint glow of cherry and sapphire glow painting the bridge of seokjin's nose, as he hears sirens wailing from the distance, "why are you asking me that?" 

"well, our teacher in class said that in your life you will meet only one "love of your life" during your lifetime, and--"

seokjin cuts taehyung off before he can even properly explain himself, "your teacher said that?"

"yeah..."

(the sky is dark, and seokjin feels a droplet of rain hitting his nose; ah, the weather forecast said it was going to rain soon, they'll need to take cover in a few minutes.)

seokjin envelops taehyung's hands in his as he looks him in the eyes.

"taetae, do you love mom?"

"what? no!" taehyung scrambles backwards, a disgusted look on his face, "love is for the dating and marriage thing! i don't want to date mom."

at that moment, seokjin simply begins to laugh. he laughs and he laughs until there are tears in his eyes. fuck, he almost says, they really made you believe all that, huh? but eventually, he calms down, he takes a step forward, to which taehyung takes a step back, and gives a tired huff: "love... tae, love isn't a scary word," seokjin starts explaining, "love can be more than simply romantic. there's is love between friends, love between family, love for the world, love for yourself; the whole world is worthwhile because of love, in a way. so when i ask you if you love mom, i'm not asking you if you would like to date your mom, i'm asking if you love her."