Divided Loyalties

V

Vader stepped into the room where his son and daughter were kept as soon as he could, in the morning. He was terribly anxious about their physical conditions even if he knew they were safe, and he wanted to know how Leia had - or would have - greeted the news about her origins.

He found the two siblings on Leia's bed embracing each other, a sight that made his heart curl up. Luke was awake and was holding his sister in his casted arms as if he wanted to protect her.

When he saw the Sith Lord, the boy stiffened and gave him a distrustful glance.

Vader tried to ignore him and closed the door, making the least noise possible in order not to wake Leia.

"Did you talk to her?" he asked to his son without even greeting him. Then he sat on the empty bed.

Luke looked at Leia, then at his father.
"Yes. She isn't happy" he said without trying to sound less pessimistic.

The masked Sith nodded his head and looked at the ground awkwardly.
"I am sorry" he said. "For Leia, and for when I had to tell you the truth".

Luke didn't say anything and just let out a trembling sigh. When would that dark page of his life be far behind enough to be forgotten? He felt guilty since he hadn't answered to his father, but he didn't want to start crying in such an inopportune moment. Even if it meant missing one of Darth Vader's rare favours.

The Sith, however, understood, and didn't say a word more about it. Instead he made a strange noise that sounded vaguely like a sigh and leant his head against the wall, lost in thought.
He felt his soul divided in two between the loyalty towards his Master and the affection for his children (even if it was only due to the blood connection).

Vader held still in that position until Leia woke up about half an hour later.

As soon as her eyes blinked open, the girl stretched with a yawn and passed one hand over her eyelids.

She saw Vader, her father, sitting comfortably on her brother's bed as if it was normal. The reality she had forgotten in her sleep rushed over her like a giant wave, heavy and painful.

Leia let out a choked sob and clung on to her brother's shirt, forgetting that his side was literally torn apart and he was clearly uncomfortable with that gesture.

Her eyes didn't leave Vader as she stared at him with hate, her gaze burning inside his soul. She felt vaguely Luke's only hand caress her head to calm her down, but she ignored it.
It had been too much for her, too much.

She screamed.

Vader wasn't expecting a reaction in particular, but he wasn't ready to be called a monster by his own daughter, nor to see her ignoring the health of her lungs just to yell at him. Something changed in the Sith Lord, and a real feeling of horror overcame his senses. He had to be a disgusting person if her daughter was reacting like that.

He stormed out of the room, needing to think alone. His very steps were screaming his restlessness.

As soon as his father left, Luke finally detached his sister from the point she had been clinging on, getting rid of the terrible pain she was putting him in. He let out a sigh of relief when he managed to leave her in the other half of the bed.

The girl, though, didn't even notice the change in her position. She held completely still without trying to fight, crying.

"Leia, he's gone" Luke said lightly, not wanting to scare her further.

The girl's only response was a quick nod. She took in a series of short, shallow breaths, as if she wanted to take deeper ones but her throat prevented her from doing so. She calmed down a bit when Luke sent with the Force a healing wave through her person, which left a pleasant sensation of warmth.

When she felt a little better, she left the bed and went into the small refresher they had in order to drink some water and wash her teary face.

Very slowly she cleaned herself and stopped to look at her reflection in the mirror.
She looked horrible! It looked like she hadn't been eating or sleeping for days. And the burns on her neck made her look like a strange creature, something no one would ever look at, or touch.

And it was all her father's fault.

Force, she hated him so much... even more than before. Not only had he caused every kind of damage to her family - the one who had taken care of her - and friends, he had probably forsaken her as well. In fact, she had always believed she was an orphan.

Leia stood there for a few minutes, staring at her depressing reflection or at something beyond the mirror, then went back to bed.

Only the doctor managed to cheer her up during his morning round. Even Luke, in the afternoon, had left to have a new hand implanted in place of the one they had ripped off during the torture.

So Leia's day was monotone and sad, like an icy sea of thoughts that was slowly drowning her. That ocean had closed its surface above her exactly when her brother, the evening before, had said the word father.

~~~

Vader's day was quite difficult as well. Unlike he was used to, he spent most of his time in his quarters, pacing back and forth until late night.

That day, something had changed in his heart. There was an excruciatingly annoying woodworm in his mind, a woodworm that had the devastated expression Luke had had before letting himself fall in the abyss. Vader had been living with this torment for three months, but now the pain had increased.

He had discovered he had a daughter, Leia, who had rightfully told him that he was a monster. And it was true: what else could such a man, a man who had hurt his own children beyond measure, be named? He had destroyed Leia's home planet and let her be tortured, twice. He had wounded Luke in an abhorrent way, allowing him to choose death instead of helping him. He had taken the perfect mother from his children, along with a decent father.

He didn't even deserve to live, right now.

The only thing he could do was take advantage of the situation by taking care of them, protecting them and loving them as a parent.

That's what he would do.

Without expecting forgiveness.