Rememberance

Chapter 1 - Sonny's House for Boys // 11 Years Ago

•Dean's POV•
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1978
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I remember how I celebrated my 16th birthday, thanks to dad.

A whole year in Sonny's House for Boys. All I did was steal sandwich ingredients for Sammy, but dad said that was the last straw.

Sonny's is a boy's home in Kansas for orphaned, abandoned, rejected, or misbehaved boys. Boys like me.

I thought maybe he was just kidding, trying to scare me. He couldn't really leave me for a whole year, could he? He wouldn't let me miss the whole year of '78, would he?

At least Sonny was a cool guy. Over the first four days I was there, we grew close. Regrettably, he was my only friend at the time. He started calling me Dee-Dawg and he actually understood me.

But I was a sixteen-year-old boy, stuck in a house full of boys. The only girl for 10 miles in every direction was our 68-year-old nanny! All I could do was pray the sexual tension didn't get to me. That's what I remember.

I remember the day, January 30, when Sonny called us in for a meeting. He only did that when a new boy arrived. I remember being excited at the possibility of a new friend, a new boy, one who wasn't an asshole. I remember skipping down the stairs and seeing an unfamiliar face on the couch. I remember him being the first boy I found attractive.

I remember mentally biting myself for noticing his looks so much. But I also remember being unable to stop looking at his eyes - those I'll never forget no matter how hard I try.

They were cerulean blue, deep but light at the same time. I remember them being nervous, darting around the room, before they landed on me.

I still, even after 11 years, remember that awkward eye contact neither of us could break. I remember Sonny introducing him.

"This is Castiel Novak. I hope you'll make him feel welcome, treat him nice. Right?"

The boys nodded, I remember, but they had lied. The moment Sonny was out of sight, they picked on him. He looked so scared, so uncomfortable. I remember what I said to them.

"Hey, leave the guy alone, huh? Go back to your skulking, you rats."

By that time they knew not to mess with me. The last guy who tried, I'd broken his arm. It had been four days and I'd already made my mark.

We were good friends by Valentine's Day. I remember that was the day he'd told me why he was sent to Sonny's - because he was gay. I was surprised that his family would punish him at all, let alone by sending him to a house full of boys.

I remember that being the day I admitted to myself that Castiel may be the one and only boy I'll ever be attracted to. It irked me, this change, and it still does, but I couldn't deny it any longer. Cas being gay only strengthened this feeling.

It was in March that it finally came out. I remember, the 5th of March, I told Cas I liked him. By then it had grown so strong I couldn't hold it back any longer. I remember how it all went down, every word we shared.

"Cas...y'know you're the best friend I have aside from my brother...and because you're gay, this won't be reeling, right?"

"Dean, what are you saying?"

"Cas I...you're really cute and I just...God, where do I start?"

"Spit it out, Dean."

"I just...I really fucking like you, okay?!"

He kissed me when I said that. We were alone in our dorm room, being roommates in the only two-person dorm in the whole House. I remember the feel, the taste, of his lips...so soft, so warm, so comforting...he must've had licorice just before the kiss, because I could taste the sting of that mature candy. I liked licorice, still do.

By April, we were madly in love. I thought we were forever, I really did. But I was young then, I couldn't have known. We had kept it a secret from the other boys. Quite well, actually.

I remember every kiss, every touch, ever sweet nothing mumbled into one another's ear; as if it happened just yesterday. What I remember most vividly, though, was the sex.

Being the gay one, Cas knew what he was doing, so he would always top. Those were some of the best blowjobs I'd ever recieved, by far. I'd gotten plenty good ones from girls, but nothing came close to Cas and that wonderful mouth of his.

May was a good month for us. We'd grown really close, almost to the point it was inhuman. On May 21st I gave my first blowjob, ever. Cas seemed to like it, and he said he couldn't believe I'd never done it before. I told him;

"I learned from the best."

I remember the adorable shade of pink Cas's cheeks went when I said that. I remember him running a hand through his messy brown hair and insisting he wasn't the best. I told him otherwise, I told him he was the only best I'd ever need.

June...June wasn't much different from May. But I do remember why and when I started calling him "Bee." Cas told me, on June 11th, that his family used to keep bees. He said he liked bees, so I called him Bee.

July was the same, really. Nothing changed between us until August. That was the month we fought for the first time, and it lasted until early September. I don't remember exactly what we fought about, but I do remember it being silly and irrational. It sucked because I missed his birthday, which I still remember - August 20th.

On Halloween, Sonny threw us a party. I dressed up as the Devil, and Cas went as a rebel angel. I don't remember why, but I do remember he looked hot as fuck. After the party, he did me up against the wall real good. The only things we kept on were our ties, our masks, his wings, and my Devil horns. That was great.

November was fun. Cas showed me some pictures he had with him. I remember being amazed to find out he had eleven other siblings! I only remember some of their names - Balthazar, Gabriel, Michael, Hester...

He showed me pictures from a beach vacation his family went on. He looked so happy...I felt bad that he lost all that for such a stupid reason.

December was the worst month of all, though, because December 10th was the day I left. Dad finally came to fetch me. Back in January, I longed for this day to come, but now I wish I could stay with Bee. He needs me, and he won't be leaving until he's 18, I presume! I couldn't go...

But, for some reason, I left anyway.

I didn't even say goodbye, I couldn't bear to. It would only hurt us both more. It would only make me want to stay more. And I couldn't stay, I had to go, for Sammy. Sam, my little brother - the reason I came, and the reason I left. I don't know where Cas is now, but I do know I'll never see him again.

If there was one thing I could say to him, it would be no matter how much pain that year caused me, no matter how much it fucked up my entire life...

I'm so glad to have met you,

Castiel.

**Ehuh intro!

Welcome to Rememberance. Enjoying so far? No? Okay.

"Was a long and dark December,
From the rooftops, I remember,
There was snow,
White snow..."

#COLDPLAY

So the picture...just another example of Cas's attire in this book, and therefore how hot he will be.

I got a Sephora gift card from my aunt today, and the 5th Starbucks card this Cris-mas from grandma.

So today is MONDAY!
This week's #ManCrushMonday is: Pleasing Guy (inside joke...)

Can you hear the mantra of no school this week?!

Remember, y'all just keep having a happy New Year's! ilyasm! x

xoxo, Garnent•.•**