IS LOVE A LOSING GAME ?

2

I talk a lot about Marie , now let me  introduce myself...My name is Jason Blade .                      Because of my name i dropped out of school....i was tired of being bullied .Big fucking deal is it? To be honest that was a kind of excuse to have more time to play basketball.

II was good enoght to became an NBA  basketball player  under 21  .
A knee injury during the macht game forced me to leave the basket .My dream got fucked with my knee...Since there i stared to drink more than a retired copy .I traded the courts for clubs , balls for drinks .
Was monday four in the morning . I had just arrived at 1 OAK and i saw her ... she dancing like Rosalia ...her  moves and expressions hypnotized me. I was not 100 per cent sober , but even high enough to forget her the next day.
Few weeks leater in the subway , the fate placed that charmin woman i saw at the club sitting on  the  bench near by  me ." Who kind of girl still flirting on the subway , in 2019 ?" When i think about my doubt , she get up and walking towards of me .

"Hi my name is Susan ! Jason Blade is really your name ?"
"Yes , have we met each other ?"
How  the hell she knows my name ?Susan explain me , she is able to finding on the social media the person who is a metter away from her .Wasn't a magic , its tecnology a new app .Holy shit!This new app is a breeding ground for stalkers ! Anyway we agreed to have a dinner next week .

I chose the restaurat that i could pay ... we sat at the counter the sashimi dishes were rotating on a turntable in front of us .

Susan : Are you kidding me ?Lets get out of here .

Me :Do you have problems with chinese restaurants ?
Susan : "I dont want to eat what dozens of people touching before of me and put back on the table .I know a better place ."

I didn't used to invite any women to dinner , it was my way to demonstrating that Susan was special to me , but she didn't seem to  appreciate as much .We went to another restaurant club really facy. If the same club would be on the Bronx  the bill will cost a litlle fortune , we are in Soho probably i would have need a financing to pay the cost of that nigth .I looking to Susan helpless , she is smart enought to understan me .
Susan "A friend of mine will come to pay our bill don't worry .
Me : "Sorry ? "
Susan :" He is a good friend .A seriously busniess man ."
                                                                                         What supose she means with that? Aside from the humiliating situation for me i wanted  hangout only with the  girl i like , no with tree of us .

And there had been a sort of weird nervous excitement, I felt so shy when I talked with Susan ...i felt like the prey and not like a hunter as i like to be .A  friend of mine , famous basket player from the time that i use to play  get into the club and greeted me from the table next o us.
                                                                                      Susan :" How did you know him ?
Thats was a big deal , i could  talk about  why i prefer the french fries from Mc donalt than Burger King , i even can talk about how get bubacks to buy some skin on Fortinite ...but defenily , i dont want to talk about basket , my past still hurt me . 

Me. " We aren't here to talk about this really ?

Susan : "I thougth we are here because you needed to show me how the best way to be dumped by some girl ."

That was fucking great , she was pretty sure about the fact i was a asshole , unable to guide a conversation .

Susan : " I was kiddin , i like your silence and the way you notes everything i do , my favorite stalker  ."

Me : "Wait ! you are much more better in stalking , you found all my data on line  easilly ."

I didn't even know her middle name but it was like Susan could understand me better than my last girlfriend .She could almost read my thoughts .

When Susans friend get in i was jealous of her , even if it souds a little unlikely.

At the finally of the nigth  Susan told me a secret about her and that secret change my mind ...Im pretending that secret don't will alter  nothing but i couldn't  deny my disapointment ...

...so the girl i had the biggest attraction in my life became a friend .

EMPTY

I'm lying in  my bed and so horny right now ,  I was still thinking about Susan .
My Instagram and Tinder show me some pretty girls ... some  part of me hadn't patience for banal conversations or dramas .
A girl called Julia , send me a emoji with a red heart , some Lisa send a dollar sign , maybe she want be pay for sex .... What a hell ! In the hush to comunicate , conversations lose their sense.     I don't  know when everything became so empty.

I didn't want complain about my life but on the other hand my modeling career requieres a lot of me ....i feel pain in my stomach, those lethal diets let me an eating disorder and a possible stomach cirrhosis. But no physical pain would prevent me from enjoying my moment of my life , which I ordinarily dared to call glory .
I was pushed by an insane ambition like a bull infuriated by stupid rage, ignoring the danger of the blade.