The Eternal Doom

Chapter 9, dark memory recalling Stephen,

The time went from days and days into weeks; Stephen still lived in distress and misery at that tragic memory. The blind eyes of that old man always appeared in front of him; his disabled legs which were wounded in that nightmare; the whispers of innocent orphans and their song, which changed into vile silence; the chapel which becomes lonely and haunted bypassing time; the pain and guiltiness grew more inside Stephen. Every night he whispers, "My misery isn't over yet, GOD, IT'S YOU WHO IS STILL CARRYING ME IN THIS IMMORTAL WORLD, MAKING ME TO WALK BLINDLY, CHASING AFTER YOU. YOUR WHISPERS MAKE ME EXIST, LORD I'M WALKING AGAINST MY WILL, BUT YOU HOLD MY SOUL, NOT LETTING ME FALL INTO MY OWN CURSE, WHERE MY SOUL CAN'T BEAR TO SEE BLINDNESS IN THOSE EYES." His paralyzed legs might have been wounded in that night; his voice disappeared, just like the last trump of death. "Oh, how my dreams revolve and finally stop at that nightmare, the dream of life which was left unsolved to me; a dream which was left unaccomplished, like a mystery to me! Here I found myself a prisoner in the nightmare of that night." Stephen was sitting at the white marbled bench, alone with a small marble table fixed in the muddy surface. It seemed as if Mr. Erick might have erected them here when his wife was alive, and Della wasn't even born. Oh, how the sad glimpse of the evening was falling around him, in the garden surrounded by the wall of pine trees! Yet the sky was spilling some strange glow over the green grass, and the small path curving behind the trees was highlighted by the same glow, which seemed to have been cast by some hidden angels. The silent whispers of wind passed through the trees. Stephen sat so deeply with his lonely thoughts, with the strange trees behind him, growing over the small slope of mud. The tree with a hollowed hole, more like an arch, in the end of its log stood over him, with its heavy and old roots entwined, covering down over the muddy slope, half smothered in it. It seemed as if sometimes angels appeared out from the trees in the garden, camouflaged under the pine trees, where no one seemed to walk anymore, as it played with the silence of its own accord. Oh, how that long garden stretched, with the dark grass glowing in the patches of spilling light!

He stretched his glance and felt the other world throwing its slight reflections. No one knows that deeply hidden realities choose some silent corners and places to lurch out into the world of humans. He presumed that so many mysteries walked in that place, making it so far separate from the human world. But then he diverted his vision from the night he was walking in to the chapel world. He awoke into grief again, as the song of orphans started around him, with the gust of cold wind. "I am the one who did this, he started to murmur, with an anguished expression on his face. Tell me, GOD, WAS IT ME who took the vision from his eyes, and left him blinded, to see only the nightmare? Who made him disabled, so he can no longer walk to find his way out? Am I the one who made his immortal life bounded by darkness, making him live alone in that chapel world along with the terrifying memories, the flash of those blinded eyes, repeated again front of him.

 Tell me, GOD? What, is it really me who called the angel of death for my own loved ones? Whose wife left him because of me, where he never showed me a trace of the blame for this. Soon Stephen discovered himself sinking in intrusive questions, which didn't seem to be answered by the profound silence and the whispers of the trees. He was sitting still, with the dark shadow of evening falling into the rising mist, where Stephen remained wondering over those questions, whispering to the LORD, "OH, LORD, how can you still love me when the world is filled with the hatred for me? Those blinded eyes must be filled with rage and rancor. The memory blinked and the weird faces of people appeared, annoyed faces, filled with curses, wanting to kill him. "He deserves death, as he is the murderer of more than a hundred innocents!" These words started to be chanted in his ears. "Burn in hell, you demon! Go to your world. Where is my world, GOD? I don't know where to live. It's you who keep on telling me that there is a world for me to live in, the world which overshadows my past, making me exist only for you, GOD. You are the one telling me THAT there is another world waiting for me, to awake from this hallucination. Never let me fall, GOD." And then he started to walk out from that place, as the evening cracked by the night glow over the grass was gone. He crossed the path between the bushes overloaded with flowers. I don't know how to get answers to my questions, but I know that someday I will be answered by the LORD himself, since the world became immortal, so the urge of any other dream seemed to vanish from the immortal souls. Immortality became everything to humans. Finally, the earth stops revolving, as it chooses the immortal dream, to live for eternity. Now the world is walking in its only dream; the dream of death faded under the mist of life, just as once life used to fade in the dream of death. "The dream is over, the dream is over," once Asriel used to sing the same song while landing on the world, which once used to be mortal; the world which once used to be afraid to sleep in its intimations of the nightmare of death. The angels in the sky always whisper "We are lost in you GOD, as you are lost in your kind, where your darling kind is lost in the devil." The days passed, and the nights started to be disorientated by the mist, which appeared with the angels playing inside.