My Message to the Class of 2020 (and others alike)

I remember sitting on the carpet on my first day of Kindergarten. I remember being excited about meeting new friends and being able to think and learn in a room full of people my age and someone who cared enough to teach us. My teacher guided us through counting, basic reading, and writing. I never really cared about my future so whenever they had us write little books I made something up, teacher, firefighter, no one told me that writing was something I could do. Anytime I got to write my own stories I would get excited.

I remember how simple it was, everyone got along, there wasn't any fighting, and we shared our snacks. When Fall came and it was time to bring in themed snacks and do fun activities I helped my fellow friends. When the girl next to me struggled with picking out the pumpkin seeds I helped, we worked together. It stayed that way, for a while. Everyone got along, collaborated, and appreciated each other. We paid no attention to the future, we had no reason to, we were only five and six.

Then came first grade and they started teaching us how to compete, from then on I always seemed to drift away, I didn't like the games they all would play, I wanted to write and read. I remember being so excited when I got put in a group with people who wanted to read challenging books, but what I didn't realize, it wasn't to strengthen camaraderie, instead it made me feel further from my friends.

By third grade I spent less time on friends and more time with books, they became a reprieve from life. I learned to escape in the pages. I learned the pain that I found with people could be solved with characters I'd make up. I spent so many years ostracized by my peers on something I had so much passion for, but I still would make up an excuse for who I wanted to be.

I spent fifth grade crying because the kids decided I wasn't good enough. All it did was push me further into my fiction, and towards a world I was convinced was the only place that wanted me. I learned to internalize my problems and emotions and was convinced that I couldn't trust anyone with them. Teachers would rarely believe me and the only outlet I could find was writing new characters. Even the friends I had I kept distanced to avoid more problems.

Middle school was a collection of trying to fit in, even if it wasn't something I was interested in. I took more interest in music and even began writing fanfiction to escape the harsh world. I kept to myself and clung to the few friends I had, only finding a group halfway through.

I found myself in high school. I became involved in the arts, pushing myself out of my comforts and even trying out for the play. I took a leadership role in the orchestra and worked hard in everything I did. I started the idea for what's now my most read work, The Missing Piece. I made some of the best friends I could have ever hoped for, who had my back even when I couldn't find a way to go. I found my dream, learning that I could be a writer, a serious fiction writer, finding a passion in the arts. I made plans for where I'd go, how I'd get there and even the little things. I finally found interest in dances and even looked forward to my own senior prom for the first time ever.

The moment I found things going my way again, the pandemic hit. I lost not only my prom and senior trip, but my comfort system. I was lucky enough to have chosen early grad, but I had made plans in detail, budgeting out every part and then they were taken away. I had friends and family who would post 'in support of the Class of 2020' pictures of their prom and graduation, and I had to avoid social media so I didn't get a constant reminder of what I was missing out on. I was told that it wasn't the end of the world, nor was it the priority, so I sat and didn't voice my hurt, instead shutting down, I couldn't write, I had no inspiration or motivation to. For a while I sat and wondered if there was even going to be a graduation ceremony, and even now, long after we were supposed to celebrate the closing of a large chapter in our life, I still don't have an answer to that question.

But, I still refuse to let my senior celebrations be taken away from me. I'm making alterations to my would have been prom dress, and I will take prom pictures, even though there won't be a dance. I have plans to do my senior trip at a delayed date, the drive and all. No matter what happens so much has already been taken away from my class, but I personally refuse to let such a momentous occasion pass without doing all I can to make it better for me and my closest friends.

Now anyone who's made it thus far may wonder why write this, why post this? I know many of my classmates may be feeling as stuck or helpless as I did at the beginning of this, and I want everyone, no matter if they are from the graduating class (be it high school or otherwise) or just someone struggling to find motivation. This is a momentary setback from which we will recover.

Do not give up hope, do not let this year define you. Let it inspire you, if you are angry that this year has made things hard, or you lost something, use it. They say spite is one hell of a motivator, and I for one will be using it to inspire me to push through my rut and keep on going.

As always, I hope you have an amazing day/night and are doing well. 

Much love and hope,

 Kat <3