Silver Lining

CHAPTER EIGHT

"How are you feeling today?"

I pushed my hair out of my face and sat up in bed, bringing my duvet with me. Emma stood with Olive in the doorway, clutching a tea tray with my dinner on it as they watched me. The way they looked at me, it was as if i was a frail china doll that they were scared was going to break if they were to say the wrong thing.

"The same." I sighed. I'd taken to napping through the day and staying up all night, busying myself with whatever chores I could do about my room. I was woken up for mealtimes, my food now brought to be, but otherwise Miss Peregrine and the other children let me lie on. Everyone shows their grief in their own ways.

"Miss Peregrine brought a new box of books up from the charity shop this morning." Emma sat the tray down on my lap, her and Olive now standing at the side of my bed. "Would like to have a hoke through it, see if anything takes your fancy?"

I hesitated, stirring around my spoon in my soup as I avoided their eyes. I could barely handle speaking with them for these mere seconds as it was, I wasn't sure how I would do if I was to see everyone. It would be overwhelming.

Olive pressed a hand over mine, smiling sadly. "You don't have to. We'll bring you any that sound like something you're interested in."

"It would be better for her to pick through them herself, to see if there's anything she likes." Emma corrected her eyes like ice.

"Maybe, but she doesn't have to." Olive repeated, a hand on her hip. "It's her choice."

"I think she should come and choose for herself."

"Well, that's her decision to make."

The spoon clanged against the china of the bowl as I dropped it, my hand trembling. Everything was too much, too loud. Their arguing was giving me a headache. What was so serious about picking out a book?

"You're overwhelming her, cut it out." Enoch hissed, leaning against the door frame on his shoulder. Emma and Olive fell quiet, although now all three of them shot glares at each other. I could have cut the tension in the room with the butter knife if I wasn't quite so busy buttering my bread.

"You're not going to tempt her out of her room that way, Emma," Olive said and my head snapped up.

"Was that the plan? You were trying to tempt me out of her? But why? I'm happy enough."

"Bullshit." Enoch scoffed. "Most of us haven't seen you in months with you locking yourself up in here. Sleeping all day to avoid people isn't healthy."

"Well, maybe I don't care about what's healthy."

"Well, maybe you should."

I shot daggers at Enoch but he stood strong, squaring his shoulders at me. Were they done with the nice simpering approach? Were they going to force me out now?

The thought alone made my hands shake again as I hid the tremors under my duvet cover, however, I didn't believe that it fooled my friends for a second. My emotions had become transparent over the passing months. There wasn't anything I could get past them anymore.

Emma sighed, sitting down at the edge of my bed. "We're just looking out for you. We want our friend back, we want to help you to feel okay again."

"I haven't gone anywhere," I argued, but my voice had grown quiet.

"You're unrecognizable from who you were months ago. Even drunk as a skunk and staggering down the road, you were still more like you then than you are now." Enoch crossed his arms over his chest.

"Wow, that's exactly what I wanted to hear." I snapped.

Enoch slammed the door behind him, making Olive jump as he stomped into my room. "Well, maybe that's not what we need to be telling you anymore. You don't listen to us when we've been comforting and running at your every beck and call, so maybe you need to hear the truth for once. You've changed, this is not healthy, and Abe is not coming back. But you still can."

His words stung like a slap across the face, but oddly, I found it refreshing.

"I haven't been the only one grieving. He was my brother, Enoch."

"He was your brother, our friend, and hell, Emma was in love with him for years and she's still not isolating herself in her room like a hermit." Enoch pointed at the girl and she turned every shade of crimson. Emma starting twiddling her fingers in her lap.

"I'm not the only one grieving."

"No, but you're doing it in all the wrong ways." Emma agreed. "Look, it was fine when you needed some time to yourself, we supported you in that, but the more you isolate yourself the harder it's going to be for you to make your life go back to normal. Please don't grieve alone any longer, we're here to help you."

"But-"

"No buts." Olive's frown deepened as tears welled at the corners of my eyes. "We can't let you waste away like this any longer, what is it that we can do to help you, anything?"

"You can all leave me alone."

"Sorry, cupcake, not an option." Enoch tutted. "Think of something else."

"I-"

God, I just wanted to disappear. Why couldn't they just leave me be? I watched my brother die and they want me to go out and make daisy chains with the kids as if it had never happened? What sort of an insult to his memory was that?

"I can't just carry on like everything is fine when he's never coming back." My voice cracked, tears spilling down my cheeks and onto my sheets.

"We're not asking you to. Things aren't okay, but they're not impossible to get through." Emma squeezed my hand.

"I couldn't do anything to-"

"Is that what this is about?" Enoch's voice rose and I sank back deeper into my pillows. "You've been wallowing in self-pity for weeks on end because you couldn't save him when he was past saving? God, I can't believe you."

"I-"

"No." Olive cut me off, slouching down at the side of my bed as she stretched her legs out in front of her. "Not a single one of us could have done anything to help him, including you. Miss Peregrine wouldn't have been able to do anything either. If you had stayed any longer than you had, what's to say something wouldn't have happened to you?"

"That hollow was never going to leave Abe alive, nor you if you'd stayed." Emma's voice trembled. "You're lucky that you got away, and you're brave that you went to help him in the first place. Don't blame yourself for what couldn't have been stopped."

"You went in the first place to check up on him, you never could have prepared yourself for what happened." Enoch agreed, now much calmer.

"I-I just-" I couldn't find the words as I put my head in my hands, sobbing. Emma rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand, as Olive whispered reassurances to me. But nothing could make me feel better after what had happened. How was a person supposed to come back from that?

"We're not going to make you do anything, but we want you to try and start seeing people again," Enoch said. "We'll still bring you your dinner until you're ready, but we can't let this go on forever."

I sighed, drying my face with the sleeve of my pajama shirt. They were right. I was going to be in this loop for the rest of my life, however long that would be, and I couldn't spend all of it locked in my bedroom.

I wasn't ready to come to terms with what had happened yet, and I was unsure if I'd ever be, but I was willing to give normalcy a try.

As normal as one can get living in Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. 

***

Finally an update!

If you're interested in the idea of me hosting live streams, vote or comment to let me know! I'll probably be announcing them on twitter so my handle is 'ChloeChurch20'.

Happy reading!