Just 3 minutes

Dear people,

Hey, I am just a random person. However, I have something, a message, that will take three minutes of your time and I want you to read, please. 

 I have just watched love Simon and honestly... it's exactly my life. Well, the first half anyway. I have known I was gay for a while now and I guess I'm just scared, scared because I don't want my life to change. I have friends and family who I don't want to disappoint. I don't want to disappoint someone just because of the way I was born. You don't get a choice on who you like. You can't engineer who you're attracted to or which family you are born into. Unfortunately, I drew the short straw, and I'm gay. I wish I wasn't but I am. I don't want people to treat me differently. I don't want guys to feel violated if I'm changing in the same room or someone to apologize because they said "That's so gay" then realize that could offend me, I don't want any of that. But I also don't want to keep this secret anymore because it's killing me on the inside every day. As I said, I don't want to disappoint anybody but I know my coming out would. I'm just a normal kid with a normal family and a normal life. but I know once it's out, I can't take this life-altering fact back. I know I'm not the only one. I know some unpopular people are closeted and I know there are popular people as well. You're not alone. I feel your pain, your embarrassment, your self-hatred but it's who we are and we shouldn't be ashamed of it. Our lives could have been so much easier. We could have had a care-free childhood yet if you're like me, you have known for years and it's a secret that you have been carrying, what feels like forever. A weight that's constantly on your back and honestly, it's changed who I am. I used to be this bright, happy kid but now it seems to be constantly on my mind. this dark cloud you could say. I am jealous, Jealous of the straight kids. They have no idea how lucky they are in that aspect. They might not have the best life but at least they won't be judged by everyone they meet. Even our friends who don't try to judge, they still do accidentally. But who I'm not jealous of? In fact, I am more proud than jealous. Is the outed kids. To all of you straight kids, you don't know the feeling, but as a closeted kid, I personally, think that admitting your gay is one of the bravest things somebody can do. You may say "Are you joking? people who go to war or firefighters that run into burning houses are way braver". I'm not saying they aren't. They are incredibly brave but coming out is every closeted gay person's worst nightmare. Going to war or running into a burning building or jumping out of a plane, These are all choices that are rewarded for doing but being gay or at least admitting your gay, although it is a choice, it's a choice that you can keep a secret which hurts you mentally every day or admit to something you didn't have a choice about which instead of being rewarded, it is a 50/50 chance you're going to destroy relationships. your grandparents could never talk to you again or you could get kicked out of your house. You could lose your best friend and create a dozen new enemies on something which you hate yourself for being. So that is why I think it is braver. As I said, Going to war, and the others I mentioned are very brave but being gay, there is no positive outcome to coming out. there is no win to the situation. it's a lose/ lose situation which isn't even your fault. It's something you don't even have a choice about. You may still disagree but think honestly, have you ever made a gay joke? of course, you have. The thought that if I come out then I'm just running straight towards those insults and whispers behind my back. If you still think I'm a queer who should shut the fuck up then you are naive. You may only be saying rude stuff like queer and fag but let's be honest your only saying it to look hard or you are hiding the same secret, except your also in pain like the rest of us because you have that same nightmare of coming out but by doing that you only building that wall of gay hate higher for when and if you eventually decide to come out. If you're not gay you say it to act hard then imagine your kid was gay. You would be a right prick then because I bet you wouldn't say "son you fag, go hang yourself" as you say to other gay people I'm sure. If you are still saying yes I would say and do that then u clearly just lack intelligence and are still showing off. but all you will find out when you're older you are just a jackass that is scared of change or growing up or something. Well, we, the people you bullied and made afraid to come out, We honestly just don't care about your opinion and are excited when one day we are in a position of power over you in a job because we will show you how you could have treated us. You could have been kind. Hopefully, the majority of us are bigger than the situation and won't treat you badly like you treated us. However much you deserve it. but in your mind, you still have that thought that we have the power to make you hate your job if we want to because that is exactly how we feel right now. Powerless. Also for some reason, you can't except the fact that not all gay people act differently. It's another stereotype which with most gay people, is true, but with some like me. We aren't. I can still be the kid everyone looks up to because they are popular or the straight lead role in the play. All we want is acceptance and it starts with one person. So going back to the start, I'm scared. Scared of my future but I'm also excited. Excited to not have this weight on my shoulder anymore. Excited to be me. Excited for my friends to know the real me and to have friends who truly support me and will help me fight off the naive, simple-minded people.

If anyone has any questions or they just want somebody to talk to who understands how they feel free to add comments or if u want to have conversations add my Snapchat ( boys and girls ) just anyone who wants to talk to someone who is experiencing the same thing.

Snapchat- @jordendarroll                

- Jorden Darroll