A collection of very short

Lucien

"Hi Lily it's me."

"It's been a while since I last called. I thought I'd leave you a message again. How bad can that be? To tell you the truth, I miss you particularly badly today. I've not been able to stop thinking of you."

"It's Ava just in case you forgot what my voice sounds like. Hopefully you haven't. My god, I am so nervous calling you. Why does it feel so wrong to call you? Do you think they are listening still? I don't care, I'll say what I have to say and they can come find me if they don't like it."

"Before I start ranting, I just hope that you are having a great time in Buenos Aires. I wish one day I will be able to visit you. Maybe you can show me around. There must be many beautiful places to see. It must be so different from Europe."

"I'm sorry I call a lot. It's just that I miss you a lot. I haven't found the way to fill the hole you left in me. I promise I won't call again after this call. I'll do my best not to bother you again. I really promise this time. I don't want to be a drag for you. Maybe I also don't want you to forget me. And Lucien."

"I'm calling today because I was heading out, to the supermarket, and I had this deja vu moment. It was just outside the story. I was brought back to one of those times when we used to go to the market all-together, as a family. I was holding hands with you, Lucien was in your arms. He was making funny faces and we were both giggling. I remember how we kissed. We were filled with joy. It was one of these days that I think I will never top again. That radiant smile on your face. It's etched in my mind."

"I have this feeling, maybe it's nostalgia. I know we can't go back but still I wish, almost every day. I wish we could be back all three together. I wish we could go to the supermarket together, once again. I really treasured these simple moments, they were the only ones we had with Lucien after all. We had established this sort of rhythm, special to us. I haven't been able to do the same ever since you left. It's been very difficult to keep to certain tasks."

"Maybe today is one of those day when I think that maybe if you came back, just maybe, we could try again. I know it wouldn't be the same. I'm not naive. Stupid. We would have to live hidden, especially you. But we would make new memories. All we need to be happy is to be together. Once in a while we might even be able to go out again. Imagine that, hand in hand, outside, laughing together. I mean Lucien could not be there, but that's the price we have to pay. A small price, relatively. For our love."

"I'm rambling now. I'm listening to myself and its just rambling about impossible things. Just repeating myself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything Lily. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. I wish things had been so different. I wish I had done things terribly different. It's my fault isn't it?"

"I'm sorry I blamed you for everything. I know I apologised before. But I want you to know that I really am sorry. It wasn't ever your fault. You warned me. You warned us that we shouldn't be bringing Lucien out. That night of Christmas. I will never get it out of my mind. We shouldn't have. I shouldn't have insisted. I still don't know why I did."

"But why did you run? I could have hid you. We could have run together. We could have lived here. I wouldn't have minded going into hiding with you. We've done harder things together. Maybe we could have replaced Lucien. He was still young, almost forgettable. Still, I can never forget him. His smile is also etched into my eyes."

"Oh. Right. I forgot. The police. That cute detective. She was so pretty, mesmerising eyes. I told the police it was your fault. Yes I did. Oh my god what have I done? I was the one responsible. It's all my fault. It's my fault you ran. Without me none of this would have happened. Oh my god I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I keep calling. I wish you were here. I'm broken alone, without you. I can't live without you, I can't function."

"Can you please come back? I'll tell the police it wasn't you? I'll tell them Lucien ran away. I'll do everything possible to get you out of prison. I'll visit you in prison. I tried to leave the country but they wouldn't let me. I tried so many times. I wanted to visit you down South."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be speaking like this. I should be strong, stronger. I won't call again."

"Am so sorry. You enjoy your evening all right? Or morning. I don't know when you'll get this."

"I shouldn't have called in the first place."

"I love you, always and ever. I love you Lily."

"Good bye."

"I promise not to call again. Good bye love."