Why...(depressed harry potter)

finally back.if u know who the guy at top is i love u

Finally posting again!!!! This is my au and in it sirius dies in 5th year.
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3rd person pov
It's been about 2 weeks since the summer before fifth year started and harry hasn't slept, eaten, or seen anyone. He's just been couped up at the dursleys, cleaning and being starved and beaten, but this was nothing new. Ever since harry could remember that's all the dursleys had ever done to him. Treated him like a house elf. Starved him. Made him bleed. And made sure he knows how worthless he is. Of course no one else knows about this. The reason for that being that he has no proof. Ever since he was little he'd always healed much faster than a normal person, for example uncle vernon would often give him a black eye and several other bruises but it was always healed by the next day, the only time he didn't heal was when he got beat bloody, which happened more often than he would like, but even then uncle vernon could just blame it on bullies. And while that could be considered a good and usefull trait to have it also meant that harry wouldn't have any proof that the dursleys did infact abuse him. Of course he could use his skinniness as evidense but the dursleys could simply lie and say that he just refused to eat, and even if he did tell someone and they happened to beleive him there still wouldn't be any evidense or any eye-wittneses, all there would be would be a little kid who claims that it's true, and as terrible as it is the judges would obviously beleive the grownups over the kid. So harry would end up getting in trouble with the law for "Lying", and he would most defenitly get the worst beating of his life from uncle vernon for trying to tell, So harry decided a long time ago that he would just use a glamour and lie to avoid any of that happening. But...this happening to harry his whole life did take it's tole. When harry was 9 he just started feeling...useless. He felt tired but it wasn't from the lack of sleep, he just...didn't beleive in himself. Even when he tried, he would sit down and try to think of one good thing about himself but he just couldn't. Eventualy he decided to go to a psyciatrist (just pretend it was free) and found out that he had depression. He was only 9 at the time so it was a lot to take in. He's now 15 and his depression has only gotten worse. When he was 10 he started cutting himself. He's always heard that it doesn't solve anything and it's a terrible thing to do but...it just felt so...releaving, so good. Everytime he had a panic attack or the voices in his head got loud all he had to do was pick up his blade and he felt so much better. But he never once considered killing himself. He always tried to beleive that even if everything was terrible now, even if he was useless, maybe someday things would get better and he'd find a reason to live, a purpose for being here, but...that point of view changed very quickly. You see...something...terrible happened this year at Hogwarts. Well...A lot of things happened but the 2 things that had affected him the most were the 2 deaths that had ocurred. The first death to occur was the death of his godfather, Sirius Black, whom harry had only met months prior. Sirius died at the hand of Bellatrix Lestrange, an evil witch who works for lord voldemort. The 2nd death was Cedric Diggory, a fellow student and Triwizard participent at Hogwarts. Cedric died at the hand of lord voldemort himself, mercilously killed by the killing curse. But...the thing that made harry so...sad. So incredibly...guilty...was the fact that both of these deaths were his fault. If harry hadn't been so stupid and hadn't gone to the ministry of magic then sirius wouldn't be dead, and if he had been faster or stronger than he could have saved cedric, but he didn't because he was weak. Because of these events harry had begun to quesstion his non-suicidal view over the summer. I guess this feeling of wanting to die had always been there in the back of his mind...he just always refused to let it out, not because he didn't want to die, but because he was afraid of hurting the people that care for him. But harry is now realizing that that was all a fantasee...no one cared about stupid, worthless, useless potter. He didn't have a reason to live.