Pretender

Written by
Iskaismyname

I have this friend ayesha, na sobrang makulit at masayahin at the same time,  friendly din sya at masyadong matulungin kahit hindi naman nya ito kilala. Ngayon nandito kami sa Quadrangle nakaupo namomoblema kase ako dahil bagsak lahat ng quizzes ko ngayong Sem.

"Eyy, Cyrus okayy lang yan bawi ka na lang next Sem. Tutulungan kita promise."She sincerely said and gave me a sweetest smile. I smile back.

"Hayaan mo babawi ang pogi kong best friend."She said while pinching my cheeks natawa naman ako sa pag checheer nya sakin. She's so cute and adorable. One time naman nakita ko sya na nakaupo sa bench at may kasamang babaeng umiiyak. Tinitigan ko muna sila. Ano kayang nangyari at parang alalang-alala si ayesha sa kanya, nakita ko kung pano nya itong pilit na pinapatawa. I bet she's cheering that girl up, comforting. Kaya maraming nagmamahal kay ayesha kase ganyan sya handang icomfort ang lahat ng nangangailangan.

"Fighting!"Dinig kong usal nito na ginaya naman nung babaeng kausap nya at tsaka sabay silang tumawa. Niyakap nya yung babae at may binulong dito napailing na lang ako. Damn. She's good.

One time naman nung nakita ko sya sa classroom, tinuturuan yung pinaka maloko naming classmate. I just stare at them and listen.

"Arghh kahit Anong gawin ko hindi ko talaga maintindihan ehhh."Kael said na para bang may malaking problema. She just tap kael shoulder.

"Kaya mo yan okay, Di naman kase porket naituro ko na sa iyo ng isang beses ay kailangan maintindihan mo kagad. Aaraw arawin natin para magets mo no wag kang nega."Pangungumbinsi ni ayesha. Damn. Ang galing nya talaga.

"Sige sige, basta ba laging may libreng ice cream sakin ahh."Kael playfully said and ayesha just gave him a genuine smile and wave her hand.

"Okayy, bye bye muna. Fighting."She said at nag acting pa. I smile widely she never fail me. No wonder kaya maraming nagmamahal sa kanya.

I was sitting on my chair when ayesha is arrive nakatingin sya sakin ng masama.

"Hey sinabi sakin ni sir na hindi ka daw nagpasa ng requirements mo."Singhal nito sakin. Napatakip na lang ako ng tainga dahil don.

"Look, I'm sorry okay namatay kase si lola kaya hindi ko nagawa yung mga requirements ko."I emotionally said. Her face instantly look worried.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Here ako na yung gumawa ng sayo para sa requirements natin kay sir."She sincerely said at may nilapag na folder ang ganda ng pagkakagawa nya at may pangalan ko na rin.

"W-why?"Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko she just chuckle at hindi ako sinagot. Ang effort nyang gumawa, mukang pinagpaguran. That's why i hug her but she just laugh in my action.

-------------------------
Week's past pero walang ayesha na pumasok sa room namin. Halos lahat ay nagtataka sa kanyang pagliban. Marami ding naghahanap sa kanya kase tuwing umaga ay palaging nginigitian sila ni ayesha at binabati, tuwing uwian naman ay palaging pinapaalalahan sila ni ayesha na mag ingat.

Maya maya lang ay pumasok na si ma'am.

"Ahmm class absent ngayon si ayesha."ma'am said na parang balisa at wala sa sarili. Tears began to fall in her cheeks na labis naming ikinabahala.

"What happened?"
"Why is she crying?"
"Alam naman nating absent si ayesha diba.?" Sunod sunod na bulungan ng mga kaklase ko.

"O-okay class, quite."She said while wiping her tears. Agad syang tumingin samin, Halos lahat kami ay kinakabahan dahil sa biglaang pag iyak ni ma'am.

"S-sino ang k-kaibigan ni Ms. Cruz dito? C-can you describe her?"Ma'am said while smiling.

"Anyone in this class?"She repeat when no one respond. Bigla namang nagtaasan ang lahat ng kaklase ko maliban sakin kaya nag umpisa ng magtawag si ma'am.

"You. Ms. Santos."Turo nya sa president namin.

"She's like a sister to me. Nung namatay po kase yung mommy ko todo comfort po sya sakin hanggang sa gumaan yung loob ko. She was there on my side hindi nya ako iniwan."She said while smiling na para bang inaalala yung time na yon.

"She always there for me too ma'am. Pinapatawa at cinocomfort nya ako when i experience anxiety."One of my classmate said.

"Ma'am kapag kailangan ko po ng kausap she always free herself for me to prioritize mine."Vice president said.

"Ma'am ako po, Nung hindi ko po maintindihan yung isang subject tinulungan po nya ako para maintindihan yon. Araw araw nya po akong tinuturuan, para ko na nga po syang tutor ehh."Kael said and smile widely.

"She's the positive woman I've encountered."Vivy said.

"She's the happiest girl here."Secretary said and then chuckle.

"She's cute and adorable."Lily said.

Puro mga positive ang sinabi nila. Well totoo naman. Tsaka kung magkakanegative man ay yun like she fail on the class and absent. Pero nakakabawi sya because like vivy said "She's positive woman.

"Mr. Cyrus?"Nagulat ako ng biglang bumaling sakin si ma'am. So i stand up at nagsimula ng magkwento.

"Well, She's my bestfriend eversince lahat na yata ng traits na magaganda ay na sa kanya na. She always prioritise others than herself. She loves cheering others. She loves seeing others laughing. She love helping others. She loves comforting others. She's so adorable and positive woman. I notice it."I sincerely said at umupo na

"She's really an angel. Totoo nga ang lahat ng sinasabi sa kanya ng ibang tao. It was so late dahil tinatapos kong icheck lahat ng requirements nyo at she's there helping me kahit gabi na kase sabi nya mas matatagalan ako kung hindi nya ako tutulungan."Ma'am said.

"Lagi ko syang nakikitang may cinocomfort na tao. May naririrnig din akong negatives about sa kanya na alam kong hindi naman totoo pero tinatawanan lang nya ito. Hindi sya pakitang tao. Lagi nyang inuuna ang iba bago ang sarili nya. Hindi natin alam kung ano ba ang tunay nyang nararamdaman kase lagi syang nakangiti at tumatawa at nagpabulag tayo sa pag papanggap nya."Ma'am said emotionally, so that our girl classmate start crying and sobbing na para bang alam na ang kahahatnan ng usapang ito.

"Past 5 am we've got news from her parent's and sadly ayesha is pass away. She committed suicide. She suffered from major depression and anxiety."I froze for a moment when those word keep playing on my mind. Everyone start crying na para bang hindi makapaniwala sa nangyayari. Ayaw mag sink in sa utak ko ang lahat ng ito. My heart aches a lot.

"S-stop joking ma'am. S-she always h-happy and la---ughing when she's around."
"S-she always s-saying that "she's ----fine."
"She a-always r-reminding us that "don't lose hope."Kanya kanyang saad ng mga kaklase ko Sunod sunod na tumulo ang luha ko. It can't be...

"She always there when you all needed her, but where are you when she needed atleast one of you?"Ma'am said while crying, Tears streaming down on my face and that line hit us.

Realization pop in my mind she is a pretender. She can hide all of her thoughts, pains and more by herself. Maybe we can see her laughing, but behind of those laugh she's in pain. Maybe we can see her smiling, but behind of those smile she's suffering. Maybe we can see her saying positive words to others but behind of those word's she needed someone to say it in her. Maybe she always say "she is fine" but behind of those word committing suicide is in her mind. Maybe we can see her comforting others but behind of those she needed someone to lean on. Maybe we can see her telling joke's to others but behind of those joke she's falling apart.

And one thing come's in to my mind that, it's not always the tears that measure the pain, But sometimes it's the smile we fake.